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Lines in the Sand
Contributed by
Winterland
on
Wednesday, 20th September 2006 @ 10:40:13 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Draw a line
upon the sand,
State my boundary
best I can.
People moving
to and fro
Erase the line.
They didn't know.
Sharpened sticks
stuck in the sand,
People now should
understand.
Ocean comes
from behind.
Circumstance you know
is blind.
Made a wall
on the rocky hill.
I've very nearly
had my fill.
Force of gravity
works sure though slow.
I cry as the rocks
begin to roll.
Built a fortress
on the mountaintop,
People come
just to gawk.
Athene suddenly
appears
Dressed in her full
battlegear.
I didn't want
to get tough,
To have my edges
bare and rough.
I didn't plan
to be mean,
I only needed
my boundary seen.
Copyright ©
Winterland
... [
2006-09-20 10:40:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lines in the Sand
(User Rating: 1 )
by ucka on
Wednesday, 20th September 2006 @ 11:01:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Great tempo, wonderful structure. A joy to read.
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Re: Lines in the Sand
(User Rating: 1 )
by StormyNites on
Wednesday, 20th September 2006 @ 01:21:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Great poem!! |
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Re: Lines in the Sand
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Wednesday, 20th September 2006 @ 11:32:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
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It's short and neat..
and so is the message therein:
boundaries and such..
..yet even more, that the final two lines, stand alone!
very nice~
B
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Re: Lines in the Sand
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Wednesday, 20th September 2006 @ 11:47:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very clever write. I quite enjoyed the read. It was quick and snappy. Well done.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Lines in the Sand
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 24th September 2006 @ 11:44:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Hey! Clear, concise and coherent. All to "C" the message. Very good! And enjoyable to read.
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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Re: Lines in the Sand
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnastasiaN on
Tuesday, 26th September 2006 @ 03:52:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| amazing...i loved it. and i felt every step...spoken by someone who has been pushed to the breaking point many times. |
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