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Sting
Contributed by
oneir8dude
on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 12:13:24 AM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
The scorpions sting leaves lasting effects
Its poison in your blood it injects
You dont see him until its to late
He stings you fast and seals your fate
The blistering heat of the hot desert
Will not help you with your comfort
You begin to witness numbness
Difficulty swallowing and soreness
Your tongue will soon swell
And your blurred vision will dwell
Youll fall to seizures and shake your brain...
Your body hopeless, your thoughts you cant gain
Salivation starts, as your eyes grow distant
You pray for death right this instant
Your lungs tighten and your breath shortens
You would at this point make a deal with Satan
Just as you start to feel renewed
Reflecting on your life you viewed
As being full and way to short
Yet this pain your memories distort
The sky grows dark
Youll soon depart
This world and leave it behind
Copyright ©
oneir8dude
... [
2006-09-28 00:13:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 12:18:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well I'm sure you've used this a metafore as in life but My son is a Scorpio and when he was a bout 3 he picked up a scorpian but he was fine. i know he will always remember it tho.
Very good writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by sadaddy on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 12:41:12 AM AEST
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Wow, what a graphic detailed description of death by a scorpion’s sting. It lets you experience that feel without it really happening to you. Our Lives are very much like that when things are happening to us. A very strong write.
sadaddy |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 10:27:38 AM AEST
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Bill, What a stinging write. *smiles*. Really good descriptions here. (no Kleenex required on this one, man...thanks.)
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby2sdy on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 11:23:43 AM AEST
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I like the end of this one; sudden and sharp, perfect metaphor; wicked write, keep on going...
Tuesd (-; |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ravensfire on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 03:33:53 PM AEST
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| Could almost feel the sting, great description man. |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 05:34:59 PM AEST
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Wow Bill~
You have penned down to detail the effects of what a sting from a scorpian can do to one who is stung. Kinda reminds me of life a little when one has so much going on in it.
A very descriptive and powerful write. I have come to really enjoy your wonderful work Bill~ Keep up the splendid work.
hugs n prayers,
Sue M
PS thanks for the comment on my poem. Most appreciated my friend :-) |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by catz77 on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 07:04:04 PM AEST
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full of imagery
good write |
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