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Burn
Contributed by
lividlips
on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 10:11:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
obsession
|
Burn
I sat in your car
next to her
(she smelled of peaches)
listening to your
idle wild talk.
That mouth of hers,
it moved erotically,
like two great wisps
of honey suckled
aloe vera gel,
ready to kiss me
cleaned and healthy
to make my mind
stop tap-tapping
against my thin skull
(the beat dies without her voice)
Shes like a staccato
reliant but unforgivable
once shes stuck in your head.
We fought
through the tangles
of her savage hair.
Your thin lips
(which I once dreamed of)
spoke to me;
false reassurance.
Your words fell
onto my flogged back;
they were my weak stitches.
The girl loved you,
though you said
you wanted us both.
Eventually your true
inner fox demon
rose to bear its teeth.
Your loyalties lied in her
eucalyptus eyelashes
where you lazily sway among
her bird nests of silver filth.
(all the time
I reached my lips up
you pinched them together
to sew them shut).
I desire you both
wanting to snip
the rose of her
out of your bushes.
Poinsettias rain down
their burning leaves
to cover me up
and let me steam
as I stare at her
all over you,
believing
every putrid lie
that drips from
your crocodile tongue.
But as of now
Ill sit in your car
(hey girl, jim morrison
is never outta style)
between the two of you
wishing I could have
her just to spite you.
Copyright ©
lividlips
... [
2006-09-28 10:11:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Burn
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 10:47:08 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Exquisite piece of writing. I absolutely loved how you expressed yourself. The love triangle thing, bites. Thank you for sharing. I wish you well.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Burn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 29th September 2006 @ 01:32:47 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well, first off I'm very impressed by the language of this piece; it's powerful and refreshingly in-control. Although a few of the images felt too materialistic - they could almost have been product advertisements. But that's a minor point.
But, well, I winced a little at the end-all inherent in the emotions here... a little as if a person were another thing to be aquired. There is more to knowing (on however intimate a level you like) an other.
Keep writing, by all means. This is very skilled.
Andrew |
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Re: Burn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 5th October 2006 @ 01:23:51 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I loved the details you put into this. Marvelous!
Though you can feel anger, it seems to be held in check... not unleashed upon the world.. focused.
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