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my cobweb dreams have faded away...
Contributed by
deathdrop
on
Monday, 2nd October 2006 @ 03:08:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
my cobweb dreams have faded away.
blood smears my vision,
painting more screams.
some times i wish every one was dead.
so they can leave me alone
and i can eturnally rest.
but the violence still hammers
things i can't repeat
locking what holds any form of peace.
the faces are haunting more crimson blows
and then help is distant
and doesn't grow.
Copyright ©
deathdrop
... [
2006-10-02 15:08:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: my cobweb dreams have faded away...
(User Rating: 1 )
by JoeyTrib1550 on
Monday, 2nd October 2006 @ 03:38:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I think this is just awesome!
The pictures you paint in your poem are (in my opinion) very powerful and imaginative
"blood smears my vision
painting more screams"....awesome
There really is so much great in this poem
like "and I can eternaly rest" and then using the word "hammers" in the next verse....for me that's just the stuff that makes a poem grat. A poem that paints pictures in your mind and lets you take part in it
...and all the more I was disappointed when reading the ending...
What happend there? In my opinion this poem defenately deserves a more powerful ending
but other then that, great work |
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Re: my cobweb dreams have faded away...
(User Rating: 1 )
by one-curly-fry on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 09:21:52 AM AEST
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blunt.
I like the last stanza a great deal - nicely written and easy for someone who can relate to relate. Time seems to feel the same to me. Things I want to change don't. The promise never comes forth. And the things that have happened just don't seem to fade into the past.
Good write.
- Tim |
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Re: my cobweb dreams have faded away...
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Thursday, 5th October 2006 @ 01:03:04 AM AEST
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this is filled with strong visions..but check your spelling..
eturnally should be eternally..:) |
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Re: my cobweb dreams have faded away...
(User Rating: 1 )
by JoeyTrib1550 on
Saturday, 7th October 2006 @ 04:53:35 AM AEST
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I also noticed the spell error "eturnally", but it didn't bother me
I thought it fit somehow but it took me ages to find out why
Now this maybe will seem a little bit far fetched and it's propably just a coincidence, but when spelling it like that you've got the word "urn" built in it.
In my (admitingly not normal) mind, this gives the word all the more weight, and gives it a bad attitude. Like eternally doing something can be good or bad, depends on the context, but what is when despite the context you want to say that it's bad? Like "Eternally loving you". That sound good, but what is when you want to say that this is actually killing you, that because of that you suffer and you don't want to waist time explaining it in some following or previous lines?
I think the word "eturnally" is the perfect invention for that kinda thing
And the word "urn" isn't just some random word either, it's the final resting place...now what could describe "eternal" better than that? And giving it the picture of death/pain/decay also?
Just a crazy thought of a crazy minded person
with much love and regret, for they can't be seperated,
Marc
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