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Unity
Contributed by
yangdantien
on
Thursday, 26th October 2006 @ 02:55:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
'Rest in Pieces' rings a bell
death simply is change
not essence that heavenly wafts.
Ancestor whispers neglected
to plot indifferent fences,
marks our dismal lots
yet enough time, heat, pressure
gravely all parts come together.
Fissures creak & lament
crevasse becomes maw
voice of doubt infects to drone as
cave wind skeptics crowns
a world of factions.
We kill the killer, sue the suit
only to end up as cells and atoms,
aware as symmetries?
Grasp your spin by it's head.
Mind.
Wide.
Now.
The sign reads:
Here Lies One & All.
Humbly Born Asunder.
AJPIII
Copyright ©
yangdantien
... [
2006-10-26 14:55:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Unity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 26th October 2006 @ 05:32:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very good write. I especially like the ending.
This write gives a sense of death and murder.
A couple big words I didn't get. lol, but it was
indefinitely beautiful.
I love it
~Ravon~ |
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Re: Unity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Thursday, 26th October 2006 @ 06:06:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was a beautiful write..Sad,but yet very good i think..
honey56 |
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Re: Unity
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 26th October 2006 @ 06:57:46 PM AEST
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Unity...we are all one, all uniquely woven together. (I have seen the pattern, man) *smiles* That is what I took from this piece. I liked the ending...
"Grasp your spin by it's head
Mind.
Wide.
Now.
The sign reads:
Here Lies One & All.
Humbly Born Asunder."
Nice stuff.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Unity
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 27th October 2006 @ 12:37:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Quite well done. I like your word choices, and the flow, while a bit disjointed, works as such. The last stanza's sped pace is handled nicely as well. Not too shabby, not too shabby.
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: Unity
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 15th March 2007 @ 05:06:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Haha. Weird. I wrote a poem quite awhile back titled "Rest in Pieces". That first line kinda caught me off guard for a second there! You definitely have a knack for grabbing the readers attention, and for delivering killer endings --- I like this one quite a bit.
~Scorp. |
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