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&& So The End Comes Near
Contributed by
JenJen
on
Sunday, 12th November 2006 @ 06:13:42 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
I Itch And I Scream
For Some Help From The Outside
You're Pushing Me To The Extreme
And I'm Putting Everything Aside
You're The One I Need
You're My Anti-Drug
You're The One That's Making Me Bleed
I Might As Well Pull The Plug
I've Had Enough
Of Hiding In Fear
My Life's So Tough
And So The End Comes Near
Copyright ©
JenJen
... [
2006-11-12 06:13:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: && So The End Comes Near
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Sunday, 12th November 2006 @ 08:27:12 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is sad..But any time one wants to end their life is sad..I could feel the pain in this piece..Never the less a very good piece..Stay strong..
honey |
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Re: && So The End Comes Near
(User Rating: 1 )
by twick on
Sunday, 12th November 2006 @ 01:08:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| It wasn't bad but it seems pretty average and bordering on cliche. It's hard to do this subject because everyone has at least one poem about it. The trick is to catch the reader off guard with wordplay or original phrases but nothing really stands out here. Also the flow could use a little work. It feels like it stops too much and all the lines seem individual, like a pieced together poem. I think I like best the first line, "I itch and I scream" that seems very visual and personal; the rest kind of fizzles. Keep working at it though. |
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