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…I WONDER
Contributed by
saj
on
Tuesday, 21st November 2006 @ 12:48:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I wonder what the future stands for meI wish I can look through it so I can seeif I had made the right choices recentlyI sit with my self and think about it dailywould it be a routine everydayor same old like yesterday
Would it be gloomed with darknessor would it shine with happiness
What if tomorrow never passes byjust thinking about it makes wanna break down and crybut hope is what keeps us alive what keeps us going in times when we failed but tried
With loved ones and friends who stand by your side and beautiful memories that would never leave your mind with good deeds youve done with effort and prideand blessings given to u from a god whos so kind
You live and learn something new everydayuntil u become a different person u were yesterdayits funny when u stop and thinkas a child u wanted everythingAnd how those lil dresses u wore as a kidcan no longer anymore fitits scary how time flys so fastthat your present seems so close to your past
I wonder about my destiny and what lays ahead of me but I pray for the good and ill do all that I could and every moment I will seizeas long as I will breathe and what ever is waiting for meI will welcome so openly
Copyright ©
saj
... [
2006-11-21 12:48:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: …I WONDER
(User Rating: 1 )
by annoiosa on
Tuesday, 21st November 2006 @ 01:00:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| awww...that's very nice...I often think about that kinda stuff too! Then I start to get kinda worried so I stop and remember that God has our lives planned out, and whatever will be, will be :) |
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Re: …I WONDER
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 22nd November 2006 @ 02:45:20 AM AEST
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Not bad, not bad. It flows pretty well, and the thoughts are close to all of us, very accessible.
You should refrain, though, from conventions like using 'u' for 'you', as it doesn't convey the kind of care that should be in every poem (and is suggestive of many who don't have a care in the world for words or their importance). Also, you could be sure that your sentences use the right tense consistently (the line "and ill do all that I could" uses future positive tense for "I'll" and a kind of conditional tense for "all that I could". Using a consistent tense would be "I'd do all that I could".
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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