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Whinge (AustBrit Whining)
Contributed by
akire_aust
on
Tuesday, 28th November 2006 @ 09:58:17 AM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
Suck in the whinge,
produce your gun from its holster,
Pin life down,
Fire Fire Quick-
No ones gonna see,
Fire Fire Quick-
She's already dead,
A few more,
She's driven into ground,
Breathe in the whine,
produce your shovel
From your boot,
Dig Dig Quick-
Put her heart in first,
Dig Dig Quick-
The shovel in too,
Bit more dirt and she's all gone,
Breathe out the whinge,
produce sadness from your eye,
Happy Happy Now-
Your mess is complete,
Happy Happy Now-
Free to trick and trade,
Spew out the wine,
produce reality from your pocket,
Same Same Still-
don't ever peek,
Same Same Still-
plateau plateau is all it will ever be.
Copyright ©
akire_aust
... [
2006-11-28 09:58:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Whinge (AustBrit Whining)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 30th November 2006 @ 04:29:38 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I'm impressed with this work. The wording is all very good, very polished, and the whole piece has a driving tone to it which follows through to the end with gusto.
The form you've used has the potential for being monotonous, but the focus and quality of the ideas precludes it.
Keep it up!
Andrew |
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Re: Whinge (AustBrit Whining)
(User Rating: 1 )
by quill_and_ink on
Friday, 2nd February 2007 @ 04:27:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like it - You obviously have a much better grasp of structuring poems than I do...still I don't know if i exactly get the full meaning of the poem, you will have to explain it to me one day :)
Keep it up! I hope to see even more poems by you on here!
ciao |
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