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scent of her
Contributed by
recklessguy
on
Friday, 1st December 2006 @ 03:22:34 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Cold winds carry me away a different place long ago. Raging thoughts and the scent of her.
Jasmine and honeysuckle the mixture enticing painted cherry lips sweet as wine.
Wind blown hair tossing round her shoulders so beautiful picture perfect that single moment.
Summer tanned legs smooth, lovely ahhhh yes nothing prettier none more charming than her.
Tonight jasmine and honeysuckle call out for me one more time. I worship this thought right now.
Copyright ©
recklessguy
... [
2006-12-01 03:22:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: scent of her
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Friday, 1st December 2006 @ 01:09:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| ahhhh...sweet memories. Nice and romantic..I like it. |
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Re: scent of her
(User Rating: 1 )
by Supercreep on
Thursday, 19th June 2008 @ 06:05:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This has lovely hazy summer time feel to it. I say this and then notice your first words are 'cold winds'. How about changing that to warm winds (I dunno, just an idea??) I like the way the form is a bit rambling, something a bit like EE *****s especially this:
'lovely ahhhh yes nothing prettier none more charming than her'
where you've hardly put in any punctuation. Sometimes fulstops and comas kind of water down the reading process and make it less immediate and vivid. But I think I would prefer to see more line breaks.
Particularly like the way this is short but compact and intricate - sort of jewel like, I guess you could say..
chirio
SC
oh and thanks for having a look at my stuff. glad you liked it. The song 'Rest in Pieces' should be appearing soon on the myspace. I was in a hot studio trying to sing it last night, almost killed me but learning how put my words to music is a great experience and has been well worth while.. |
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