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Silent Dime (rewrite)
Contributed by
drapes
on
Saturday, 13th January 2007 @ 02:49:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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Just above the heads Of a couple struck with love, Lies a single tarnished dime On the rafter coated with dust.
Through the squeaks and the creaks, The dime has heard it all, Gossip, rumors, truths and dares Shadows on the wall.
Placed there so discretely On an early summers night, During a time of just not caring, When everything felt so right.
The dime has seen the faces Of the happy, sad, and thrilled. Of past cliques and relationships When their hearts were filled.
Its seen them at their worst, When none could utter a sound. But yet the best days of their lives Were spent laughing on that ground.
Arguments and spaz attacks, Games of ERS, "Studying" without the books, An unexplainable mess.
"Nothing leaves the basement" The dime has heard their rule. What's discussed during ping-pong, The acts done while playing pool.
The dime remembers them well, Wild kids and careless teens, Without a worry in the world, They had easy reachable dreams.
Though as the layers of dust compile, The dime grows bored and lonely. They've moved on to the real world Of heartbreaks, fights and money.
If remembered, the dime'd be thrown Into a forgotten tin So quietly, he sits and waits For the next generation to begin.
8.25.06 For... The Champs The Sevens The Cupcake & his fruit Peacocks, Potatoes, Jackets, Sammy, Eeyore, Rose The Class of 2010 Pao & Jet Nesbitt, Crispie, Hooters Tuna, Strawberry, Beaner Chip & Dip Egop Box Lady Plozer ...My Best Friends
Copyright ©
drapes
... [
2007-01-13 14:49:13] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Silent Dime (rewrite)
(User Rating: 1 ) by yangdantien on
Saturday, 13th January 2007 @ 03:35:30 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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A well composed piece... 10 quatrains with an excellent metric...In my opinion. You have honored the 'Dime' with a well wrought treatment.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Peace
Yangdantien |
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Re: Silent Dime (rewrite)
(User Rating: 1 ) by kishdaswani on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:55:54 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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nice write , i can easily imagine the dime and the various events that it has witnessed.....
beautiful!!
cheers,
kish |
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Re: Silent Dime (rewrite)
(User Rating: 1 ) by NoSaint on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:44:37 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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amazing form and flow
Shari |
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Re: Silent Dime (rewrite)
(User Rating: 1 ) by tifrob on
Monday, 15th January 2007 @ 02:59:11 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I loved it!!!
~Me~ |
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