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The girl who loved the sun
Contributed by
ipanema_gal
on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 06:58:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
She loved the sun more than anyone else
on cloudy days she mourned for him
and missed his glowing touch
the sun also loved this girl
the girl who longed for his rays
he was careful not turn her
nor blind her with his light
but why would the sun love this girl?
this girl who mourned all rain
when he could love another star
for a star and the sun are the same
so to please the crowd
the sun fell for another star
even though the girl
still loved him from a far.
out of jelousy
she tore her heart in two
she left her skin a glowing white
and left her lover
for the night
Copyright ©
ipanema_gal
... [
2007-01-17 18:58:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The girl who loved the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by SmileSkinDeep on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 07:02:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I really like this one....It lets your mind wander about who but it gives enough detail for a picture. Well-written in my opinion |
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Re: The girl who loved the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 07:08:06 PM AEST
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very creative write and very well expressed.. awesome job
Vampyress jenni |
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Re: The girl who loved the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Balmain_Tiger on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 09:22:51 PM AEST
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| torn in two never to be whole again. the scars may remain but never let healing wane |
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Re: The girl who loved the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 09:52:54 PM AEST
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Nicely imagined. This is good, but it feels rather short, especially since the largest stanza is largely setup. A little more in the middle, before the line 'the sun fell for another star' would be good (though I can't think of what, exactly, should be there).
Good work, though. Keep writing.
Andrew |
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