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What Goes Up...
Contributed by
suupjordan
on
Saturday, 27th January 2007 @ 08:29:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Listen to me stranger,
You make my days a daze.
Attempt to love me stranger,
Before we are estranged.
Our baggage at or sides,
Even our frays are frayed.
Acquaintances always say
The estranged are those to blame.
Interests blend before they burst,
Conversation pours like rain.
Until it shifts to strange
And drips right down the drain.
A disease it is, I'm sure.
A silent, estranging, plague.
Be quick to love me stranger,
Before we are estranged.
Copyright ©
suupjordan
... [
2007-01-27 20:29:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What Goes Up...
(User Rating: 1 )
by inlovewithaladd on
Sunday, 28th January 2007 @ 12:49:10 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| i like the out of body feel of this, the abstract-ness... flow is great, rhyme is pretty solid through most of the piece... a pleasure to read. |
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Re: What Goes Up...
(User Rating: 1 )
by JoeyTrib1550 on
Sunday, 28th January 2007 @ 12:49:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Nice read
Though I thought you over used the word (e-)strange
I don't doubt it has it's purpose, but it somehow distorts the otherwise good flow |
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Re: What Goes Up...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Deidra_Carmichael on
Friday, 13th November 2009 @ 12:57:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I liked the way you describe your point. Very nice flow and nails every point on the subject |
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