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The Old Days
Contributed by
Linds
on
Monday, 5th February 2007 @ 08:04:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I miss the old days
When we laughed til we cried
When we played our hearts out
And ever got tired
When the sky was reachable
And enough was never enough
When we had no worries
And couldn't see the real world
When nothing mattered
Except having fun
And that was totally okay
Copyright ©
Linds
... [
2007-02-05 20:04:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Old Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by lilbit9494 on
Tuesday, 6th February 2007 @ 12:11:07 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| hey there i like your poem. i think we all wish we could go back to the old days. that's the times where everyhting was simple and everything had so much meaning in a child's eyes. ne ways good write -teresa |
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Re: The Old Days
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 6th February 2007 @ 12:28:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You had me till the last line, but "totally okay" doesn't strike me as good wording, personally. Poetry is keen on using the perfect words, not too strong nor too weak, and the aforementioned is rather both - too strong with the superlative modifier "totally", and too weak because it is overused in speech these days.
Mayhap you could reword it a bit. Keep it up.
Andrew |
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