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Scotch and Dry
Contributed by
trixxx
on
Tuesday, 27th February 2007 @ 07:59:50 AM in AEST
Topic:
surreal
|
Eleven at night, I stare at my watch
The hands have ceased to circulate
I look away, and it turns to twelve
I go to sleep, and it creeps to eight
The mundane day, the insane night
The minutes seem to be recorded
By my faithful glass, my liquid time
The ticking world is left distorted
I'll have a scotch and dry,
But I take my scotch straight
Waiting for urgency
And staying up late
My purpose is delayed
So you'll have to wait
Until reason follows fortune
And purpose follows fate
The venerated, hapless creatures
Before which I worship in the light
I see them clearly, in their horrid glory
When the glass is burning bright
But the glass is empty, the end is come
To the higher plane and the lower class
I never seem to wonder in the aura
Why I find clarity in the bottom of a glass
I'll have a scotch and dry,
But I take my scotch straight
Waiting for urgency
And staying up late
My purpose is delayed
So you'll have to wait
Until reason follows fortune
And purpose follows fate
I understand the purpose of the sun
But I search to find the reason of the dark
I look around within my clouded eyes
And wonder at the origin of the spark
I'd like to think that I'm a blind man
Or someone who doesn't know better
But I lean through the paralysis
Before I know the language, I need to know the letter
I'll have a scotch and dry,
But I take my scotch straight
Waiting for urgency
And staying up late
My purpose is delayed
So you'll have to wait
Until reason follows fortune
And purpose follows fate
I could cry about the vanity of my strife
But I bring myself here every night
My sombre grail is my tainted life
If I'm not wrong, then I can't be right
Copyright ©
trixxx
... [
2007-02-27 07:59:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Scotch and Dry
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Tuesday, 27th February 2007 @ 08:19:54 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Fantastic piece...I love its flow. Musical and enchants the reader. Thank you Trixxx |
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Re: Scotch and Dry
(User Rating: 1 )
by one11 on
Tuesday, 27th February 2007 @ 10:25:40 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
beautiful, well thought, flowing and thought provoking work. even if you can't relate your piece helps to understand the pain and confusion clarified. you're going through it as well as taking the reader through it. love it.
james |
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Re: Scotch and Dry
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Wednesday, 28th February 2007 @ 02:08:38 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Your rhymes were flawless. I didn't even notice until halfway through that it ryhmed. It takes true talent to blend rhymes in like that. Very well done.
I also liked the message here, the whole thing flowed very nicely, and though you broke the meter in a few spots, the extra words added enough to make up for it.
Really, though, I don't think you need the last stanza. There's a shift in your tone there, going from describing what you feel to describing why you feel, and the whole poem up until that point already accomplishes that through empathy. Plus, I really like the idea of ending with "so you'll have to wait..." because then the reader is literally left waiting, whereas going on to one more stanza really diminishes the power that phrase can have as an ending.
Excellent job.
Keep it up!
BZ. |
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