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Hell Lies
Contributed by
1Xx-xo-oO2
on
Wednesday, 28th February 2007 @ 09:08:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
<3 <3 <3 <3
Down where hell lies
is a secret path that no one finds,
Crazyness explodes
so you must find your own mode..
Dawn shines above the sky
all I see are birds that fly..
no one out
and no one about
just these streets and treats that have their own story to tell.
I guess like Hell.
Lie to them like you were trying to get yourself out of jail,
Unlike here, there is no bail.
Love: Me <3
Copyright ©
1Xx-xo-oO2
... [
2007-02-28 21:08:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Hell Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caz on
Wednesday, 28th February 2007 @ 09:15:17 PM AEST
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| hmmm very weird.. but i like it coz it reminds me of charlie and the chocolate factory by the place u was discribeing hehe.. good work,,, btw i voted for it =O =D |
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Re: Hell Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Wednesday, 28th February 2007 @ 11:00:04 PM AEST
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There is no place like hell than hell in your mind,
No other place than the tortured could find.
Leave all your concepts and legends behind, hell is the heaven in all of our minds. Good write,,we all wonder what they hell we are about. |
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Re: Hell Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by one11 on
Wednesday, 28th February 2007 @ 11:45:36 PM AEST
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| yes i agree, hell lies, in our minds, on this earth. |
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Re: Hell Lies
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 1st March 2007 @ 01:52:16 AM AEST
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Kinda intriguing, and there are some good images throughout. But in general it's a little incoherent, which is not always a problem but is when you're trying to get a point or feeling across. The third and fourth lines, for instance, of the first stanza are rather an abrupt break from the preceding lines.
Shows promise, but could benefit a lot from some revision to make the theme more concretely expressed.
Andrew |
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