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Secret
Contributed by
sena
on
Thursday, 3rd May 2007 @ 02:36:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I'm going to tell a secret
That my journal knows so well.
I've never told anyone else,
Even myself I refused to tell.
Now 21 years later...
I feel I must get it out.
A secret that's been eating away.
My soul scared, yet wants to shout.
I lost my virginity at fourteen,
To a boy who raped me rough...
And as I begged him to stop...
He continued to hold and touch.
I remember crying...pushing...saying no!
It felt like a sharp knife...
Never wanted to lose it that way.
Been haunted since for life.
So I made myself forget about it.
Blammed myself, bad choices made.
Went on to live a difficult life.
True intimacy I learned to evade.
Always ending up with men,
That never really cared.
I became a single mom at 22,
By one whom only left me scared.
Has never shown his face,
To the son which he denies.
Perhaps that's a good thing...
Cause he really wasn't a nice guy.
He doesn't have a conscious,
Don't think he ever did...
And the day that I grew up,
I spent giving birth to his kid.
I put myself through college,
Spent five years alone.
Dealt with multiple health issues,
Lose everything, end up back home.
Fourth time of getting back up,
I was on my feet again...
Fell in love-head over heals,
With a man whom my years
I'd blindly allow to steal.
For he was just another loser...
Just another to never care.
Now alone again...I think
Life can really be unfair.
So it is what it is...
And I get what I've got...
Never a blissful wedding...
Never any forget me nots.
But I guess that it's okay...
It's what was meant to be.
For I opened up to the man I loved,
Yet he didn't like what there was to see.
I'll never be so naieve again...
Allowing secrets to eat away my soul...
To open myself up like I did.
To a man who's love would never grow.
And as I write these pages...
Tears fall and blurr the ink,
It's okay because I'm letting go...
I'll be better one day, I think.
I feel some relief already,
Now that I know why I do what I do...
Why I choose the type of men
That only lead me on and never follow through.
Now that I've faced my demon...
Soon I should begin to heal...
Even if its decades later...
Its never too late for something real.
Copyright ©
sena
... [
2007-05-03 14:36:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Secret
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bruce on
Thursday, 3rd May 2007 @ 03:09:57 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| How very sad for you but letting it out, I hope will help you in everyway and hopefully you will finally find the right man for you.Loneliness is not the right way to go, this I can tell you; from my expierience, since my wife died. |
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Re: Secret
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Thursday, 3rd May 2007 @ 03:54:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Sena it was never your fault at that tender age. I'm sorry that it happens, and i hate how it dictates your choices, and closes off your channels of trust, things of this nature are never right. I thank you for sharing this much hated secret with us, I think you have cut the chains.
there is a good man out there for you, take your time and make sure he is decent. You deserve someone good to take care of you, noone should have to deal with the pain that some so wrongfully cause. you have my prayers. |
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Re: Secret
(User Rating: 1 )
by runawaynameless on
Sunday, 15th July 2007 @ 12:49:05 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| that was so insperational to let go, to figure out, a relization. I loved this peice. I dont know what else to say. |
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