|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
You Don't Know Why
Contributed by
deadheadpoet
on
Sunday, 6th May 2007 @ 12:32:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Your reasons don't seem to be enough for me
You needed something different?
You don't know why.
I guess maybe what she said was true
I'm only a pain in your freedom side
How could I have been so blind?
How could you have been so cruel?
You don't know why.
I guess you lost your faith somewhere
I can only lay down now to cry... and die
What is the reasons I ask?
What was the terrible need?
You don't know why
I guess you forgot about what was important
I ask you why shouldn't I ...just fly
The days grow very long and the nights forever linger
I wish I could go back in time to whence I can't remember
You don't know why
These words are killing me inside
I beg for truth...could you look me in the eye?
Penned 5-1-07
Laura Horner
Copyright ©
deadheadpoet
... [
2007-05-06 12:32:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Sunday, 6th May 2007 @ 01:40:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| conversation and reason..so important between two" and maybe hearts can`t move on without answers..good write my friend. Vincent |
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Sunday, 6th May 2007 @ 01:42:03 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| ...and maybe hearts can`t heal..Vincent |
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by Muhammadshanazar on
Sunday, 6th May 2007 @ 03:35:30 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
The poem is a shriek, and a cry against the callous and heartless attitude that was exercised by the dearest one to whom with the blind faith the poetess offered her entire exsistence and in response she met betrayal; the poem expresses general state of all womanhood in the world. But it is worse to find those who express their concern on the plight are too selfish.
Muhammad Shanazar |
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 6th May 2007 @ 05:05:04 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Well just keep up the therephy 'cause this is an awesome write.
big huggs,
emy |
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 7th May 2007 @ 12:29:06 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Laura,
I so feel this. I also agree the phrase I dont know just digs at my angry spot so bad. When one asks an important question and is is answered with I dont know its like well take a hike until you figure it out. When a trust is betrayed and a heart wounded it is hard to come back to that spot where all is well. I understand. I agree with Em keep right on writing.
hugsssss
Michelle
|
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by myheartsvoice on
Monday, 7th May 2007 @ 01:06:55 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A time of pain when more answers can only bring more pain. My sister laura what can i say except i'm so sorry this happened but answers will only lead to more questions and even possible ireversible consequences
that may fan the flame of misunderstanding. in any case a heartfelt write 2b sure. Here's wishing you a gentle healing.
(((((peace 2 u always sis)))))))
Ben |
|
|
Re: You Don't Know Why
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Tuesday, 8th May 2007 @ 01:14:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hey
I like the consistency in the poem with the 5 line stanzas focusing on "You don't know why"
I like the capping effect you created with the internal similarities between stanzas 2 and 3 - the use of ellipses in the last line of both stanzas, creating an internal rhyme, and also the questions in the first two lines. My suggestion for the ellipses, though, is that you avoid the ellipses in the last line of the 4th stanza since it feels like it is reserved to indicate an internal rhyme. Your other option here is to add an ellipses and internal rhyme to the last line of the first stanza and change the last line of the fourth stanza to carry an internal rhyme with the word 'truth'. (Hope that makes sense)
I like the line, "I'm only a pain in your freedom side" - very strong.
Thanks for sharing. :)
TS |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
