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Afraid
Contributed by
saralind21
on
Friday, 1st June 2007 @ 08:07:52 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
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I'm scared of a lot of things. Mostly, afraid to let people in... I'm ashamed.
I can't explain why or how I got this way, all I know is that everyday I want to change.
But day to day nothing seems to change, it all stays the same.
Sure, the people, the places, circumstances, and faces add life to my days. I can count on these things to be different each and every day.
What I want to know is what I am with out these things. What do I do when I've been stripped?
What do I do when the friends I once called friends are gone and the places I've been only remind me of things gone wrong? How do I cope when faces and memories are only a blur and I can't shape these memory lapses and blackouts into lessons learned?
I always have so many questions that I try and answer in the middle of the night. I sit awake thinking and lay in bed tossing and turning. I am disturbed in my soul with no one to tell me it will all be alright.
I look at other people's lives while I sit on the sidelines and wonder what they have that I don't.
I read my books that tell me I have value and worth. These words tell me not to compare myself to anyone else on earth.
There are people that tell me to get in the game but honestly, sometimes I don't want to play.
You may say, what game? Its called the game of life and we are all in it, everyday.
We are racing to get to the end and win. We are racing and chasing, stepping on others, reaching higher, going faster, and playing harder to win the game.
So what will I get in the end, a prize? Or a life full of lies. What joy is there in victory if the journey is forgotten, or destroyed.
This life, to me is nothing more than a contradiction. Its democrats against republicans. Its Christians vs. Jews. Back vs. white... Who is really right? It doesn't matter anyway. We just like to fight.
We are all on the same team yet battling against each other. We are supposed to be united under one nation as sisters and brothers.
How am I supposed to feel right when everything around me is wrong? Why should I feel good while others are suffering and can't get along?
The guilt is too much at times, the burdens too heavy. When I think of the world and how I am so small I wonder how plain old me can do anything at all.
My parents tell me to hope. While teachers tell me to obey. My peers tell me to live as if this were my last day.
Friends tell me to keep secrets while others encourage me to gossip. I have an angel on one shoulder whispering the truth While the devil on my left side tells me to lie.
With so many voices to consider How is it that some people are sure of their own voice?
How can one say something is always wrong or always right? What is right in your life may be wrong for another. Nothing is black or white.
Well these are my thoughts My fears My questions
I like to question everything. I wish I feared nothing.
Sometimes my thoughts are an escape when I have no other way out.
I dream big dreams and I talk the talk I am hoping for the day when I learn to walk.
I am waiting for the sun to rise inside of me to lighten my dark shadows. I'm praying for that day when I won't be afraid.
Copyright ©
saralind21
... [
2007-06-01 08:07:52] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Afraid
(User Rating: 1 ) by fadingaway on
Tuesday, 5th June 2007 @ 04:17:26 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is an amazing write. Fantastic forum. It captures you and makes you feel as though you are part of the rythem. So many questions and not enought answers. It seem that no matter how hard I try I can never fit in. dosen't matter what you do there's always someone there disapproving. sad, but. Beautiful keep writing.
Milo |
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