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I Fade.
Contributed by
deathdrop
on
Tuesday, 12th June 2007 @ 06:47:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Beside all the shadows,
Over the echoes,
And beyond all the meadows,
I stand.
Inside harsh feelings.
Inside me Im screaming,
Flowing beyond meaning,
Into suicidal dreaming.
I lay.
I felt better yesterday.
But not today.
Im losing my faith.
That Itll all be OK,
Some day
I hate.
But wrapped in the arms of Jason.
Im in an emotional prison.
Im in a mirrored dimension.
In a pocket full of potential.
But I cant grasp it.
I cry.
Twisted by a view of disgust.
I can no longer trust.
I can feel my heart rust,
Today, Im feeling lost.
I fall.
My memorys disintegrating.
And I cant stop hating.
People keep ***** stirring,
And I can feel the rage burning.
I break.
I want to be heard.
I need to be heard.
But they wont hear me and its hard.
Its leaving me scarred.
I feel bitter.
Swirling in a plague of numbness.
Torn, by the mass of darkness.
My blades having so much sharpness.
The pills taste of bitterness.
I die.
But not physically, its inside.
The pressure, isnt kind.
People are blind.
And now theyve left me behind..
I fade
Copyright ©
deathdrop
... [
2007-06-12 18:47:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Fade.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tot on
Tuesday, 12th June 2007 @ 11:50:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"Torn, by the mass of darkness.
My blades having so much sharpness"~such a dark and deeply emotional poem~ I feel the struggle and the pain~ dark, but beautifully so~Tot |
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Re: I Fade.
(User Rating: 1 )
by candysears on
Wednesday, 13th June 2007 @ 12:18:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is certainly a emotionalbut yet a beautiful write..
God Bless! |
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Re: I Fade.
(User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on
Wednesday, 13th June 2007 @ 03:04:01 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| You're asking for comments, so i'm assuming you want the rough as well as the smooth. Firstly, i like it, you have a very good ryhme scheme going on. It almost appears of balance but well put together, especially in the first half. However, the last half sometimes seems a struggle to get the ryhme in. Sometimes a little too stretched out and i think the rythm starst to slide toward the end and it all seems a bit laboured and manufactured. Maybe a little polish, though generally a good piece |
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Re: I Fade.
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 13th June 2007 @ 06:51:09 AM AEST
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Intense feelings in this write
Michelle |
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Re: I Fade.
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Wednesday, 13th June 2007 @ 12:19:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Inside me I'm screaming...
deep inner flow
well done... |
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Re: I Fade.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 02:12:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This was beautiful! I really loved the way the poem... grew. You started in one place, one state of mind, and suddenly you became aware of your emotions, and you listen to them more, until they drown out the world. This was really well written. And know, that as your pen touches paper, you don't fade. Writing seems to be your way of fightin back.
Take care,
David |
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