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Roses
Contributed by
Tot
on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 02:58:08 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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like a rose so sweet
a smell like no other
but a venom so deadly
your words are like poison
I close my eyes
and I can imagine
being with you
so perfect
a completion of me
no one can understand
our eccentricities
maybe in another time
we could have shared our lives
but oh so blind and young we were
when our oppurtunity came
the only one who can make me smile
so far into my soul
you make the pain disappear
with your roses*
Roses in your words
roses in your smile
you are the only rose
my heart does adore!
you are so far!
I long to see you again
dance to Billie
and speak of old friends
Roses to the distance
roses to the time
lost inside my youth
regret?
perhaps a chance
lies somewhere
in our minds
For now
I listen to the roses
and lightly close my eyes
a smile spreads to my soul
this rose
will not wither
it will not die
Copyright ©
Tot
... [
2007-06-16 02:58:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 08:52:50 AM AEST
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I’m the first to admit that ‘roses’ and ‘poetry’ are a combination that is over used, but I do have to say that I loved reading this poem. Furthermore, I commend you for not using a cheesy rhyme scheme to back up your words! They are strong enough and are very nicley done. I would like to see better punctuation though since things can get muddied with out it. I would also like to see you expand more outward and experiment since this poem, though nicely written, is run of the mill. I have faith in your talent that you can create something different by using your skilled way with words, great work!
~D.S. Hammoulton~
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Re: Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 11:20:58 AM AEST
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This was a good piece Tot. I like the way you actually took the rose/love cliche and twisted it making it not at all cliche. Your flow was excellent and sentiment is something to be proud of. Keep up your excellent work. And now a poetry lesson for DS and anyone else like him from Scarecrowman in your poem's honor.
Punctuation is poetry......
It is necessary to use a question mark when asking a question because in the English language we sometimes begin statements with words that can make them seem interrogative unless we use a period or a question mark to explain it is a question.
example:
What a day!
or What, a day?
How amazing!
or
How, amazing? which would also be more properly worded: How do you mean amazing?
Sometimes for effect it is necessary example we may want to use an exclamation point to express excitement or passion.
Using a comma is a line break is not necessary because the reader knows that at the break to make a pause. Idiots who constantly state there must be a comma or even a period in lines breaks have no idea what they are talking about.
Not to mention there are some essential rules to poetry that are over looked by individuals that take more time trying to overly impress with their ability to retain what they learned in fifth grade English class than the ability to make US FEEL WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE SAYING. Poetry is about feeling, not about fifth grade English!!!!!
Those overlooked ideas are as follows:
Poets take liberties with the language because they can rightly assume that one reading their work is familiar with English so therefore can understand crafted word play.
Poets can add excitement to a question using the dreaded ?! or sometimes !?
Poets are free to use whatever format they chose or not format at all. They are not bound by any rhyme structures or schemes, but only to a rhythm. Poems usually without a rhythm and without metaphors, similes, or creative language are considered prose, Though prose itself IS A FORM OF POETRY!!!!
Finally the most common criticism is the change in a poems rhythm during it's read. A poem can change rhythm the same as improv jazz. A poem is bound by nothing which is exactly what is do damn poetic about poetry. Anything less is excrement!
It is ultimately understood that pointing out a poem's difficulty in finding a rhythm or a proper structure is the fault of the reader. This is stated because it can usually be assumed that a poet knows the essential ideas of what makes a poem poetic and what makes a work of prose just that. This means the poet him/herself knows the rhythm and his/her own structure. Not being able to find it comes from the lack of imagination from the readers mind.
BRAVO!
SCM (Who still states DS is a great poet if you are not sure yourself just ask him.) |
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Re: Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by FRANCO on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 12:13:25 PM AEST
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There cannot be a better flower to represent love then the roses; there cannot be a better poem to express love then your poem the "Roses"
wonderful write.
FRANCO. |
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