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Self analizing my Darkness
Contributed by
InfinitePoet
on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 04:17:57 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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Self Analyzing my Darkness
My beating heart,
A Black hollow hole,
Lost & Tormented,
Sorrow drowned Soul,
Lacking Self Control,
Inner walls built over
years to keep In the
Cold,
Denial & Fear freeze
my world,
Done with irrelevance,
Relating to Intolerance,
Despising my Ignorance,
and lack of
Reverance,
Long ago gave up on
Perseverance & Incompetance,
So, I try to go on,
in my
Shame filled Existence,
Lacking Cadence.....................
peppermint Ki$$e$
Copyright ©
InfinitePoet
... [
2007-06-16 04:17:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Self analizing my Darkness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 08:44:58 AM AEST
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Your words are empty and lack the emotion you are trying to convey and the rhyme scheme seems forced and unnecessary. Also, using symbols and IM slang in your poetry (Ki$$e$) makes your poetry less credible. Try to expand on your emotions more with images, dialogue and avoid over used phrases. You have a good topic; you just need to explore a better way to word them than this because it’s not very unique and, well, forgettable. Experiment more with your writing and keep at it! Nice try and keep it up!
~D.S. Hammoulton~
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Re: Self analizing my Darkness
(User Rating: 1 )
by InfinitePoet on
Saturday, 16th June 2007 @ 09:11:24 PM AEST
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| TO DSHAMMOULTON,YOU CAN TAKE YOUR COMMENT ANS CRITICIZM AND WELL YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM,EVERY POET HAS GOOD MATERIAL AND BAD MATERIAL,THIS POEM I PULLED OUT OF A NOTEBOOK FROM LIKE 2000 OR 2001 SO I HAVE gROWN AND BECOME EXCEPTIONALLY BETTER! i'VE WRITTEN ABOUT 2,500 ORIGINAL PIECES SINCE THE 6TH OR 7TH GRADE AND THAT IN ITSELF SAYS A WHOLE HELL OF ALOT..... cONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS COOL,BUT SAVE IT FOR PEOPLE YOU KNOW OR FOR SOMEONE WHO REALLY GIVES A S*** ENOUGH TO FEED INTO YOUR NEGATIVITY wHEN IT CONCERNS MY WORK KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF |
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Re: Self analizing my Darkness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tot on
Monday, 18th June 2007 @ 03:43:54 AM AEST
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| Well, DS certainly does think highly of himself doesn't he? You know I found this poem was filled with depth and emotion..and the rhyming?? how do you force a rhyme? My favorite line in your poem was "lost and tormented sorrow drowned soul"...It really was a well written piece..and as far as DS is concerned...I think a poet..a true poet that is...is one who can write something so freely as this and make it seem so effortless! Good work~Tot:) |
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Re: Self analizing my Darkness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 19th April 2009 @ 02:28:43 PM AEST
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a quality work.
-Phil |
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Re: Self analizing my Darkness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mando on
Thursday, 24th March 2011 @ 02:50:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very Vey good |
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Re: Self analizing my Darkness
(User Rating: 1 )
by huwbeauty on
Thursday, 24th March 2011 @ 07:04:32 AM AEST
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| I enjoyed this very much,as for the derogatory comment(check out the discussion on the forum) poetry as with all art forms is intrinsically subjective.Personally I think this is a nicely written poem with an interesting subject matter. |
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