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Only a Moment
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Monday, 2nd July 2007 @ 06:19:52 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
It only takes a moment to die,
a second just to break a heart.
A single tear can wash a face,
clean of every laughter line,
and draw all colour from the eyes,
as if the soul inside had died,
all shrunk
and withered all away.
A simple lie can steal hope;
and hold a breath in crystal form;
lock it down inside the lungs,
to freeze each word upon the tongue
and strip a smile of its warmth.
Until you're frozen in the pain.
It only takes a word to die,
a moment in that last goodbye,
when your heart stops for just a beat,
and the world comes crashing down,
to land there at your feet...
And all at once it's over,
and your hair stands on end,
the tears just come down stronger
and you know that it's the end.
and it only takes a moment
To die.
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2007-07-02 06:19:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Xbxg32000 on
Monday, 2nd July 2007 @ 07:12:02 AM AEST
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Hey, good job on the poem. I like the message of it and the way you structured it.
I would like to point out something if you don't mind:
"clean of every laughter line,"
I think that "of" should be "off" in that line, not sure if it was a typo or not. Anyway, good job on the poem, keep it up! |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on
Monday, 2nd July 2007 @ 08:23:37 AM AEST
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I get Lost In your Moments
well done |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Poess on
Monday, 2nd July 2007 @ 10:37:28 AM AEST
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I loved this. It flowed great and I loved the lines about the world crashing down. I can SO relate to this poem. Wonderfully done!
I think I'm gonna thumbs up it on stumbleupon...
:) |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on
Monday, 2nd July 2007 @ 04:13:23 PM AEST
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i liked this a lot, the rhymes were good and the message was portrayed calmly, yet emotionally
it takes years to build something, but only minutes to tear it town |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 3rd July 2007 @ 01:53:29 AM AEST
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Strong write Phill, the words you use paint messages of pain and hurt. I hope this pain takes a bake seat to better and brighter days.
~Michelle~ |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 3rd July 2007 @ 05:34:46 AM AEST
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wow this is absolutely marvelous and heart felt. so powerful and so deep.. I love this poem.. great job..
sorry if i haven't written i cannot open my pms or get to the forums still. its been a few weeks. that is why you haven't heard from me and i apologize. i can still get comments though on my work and post poems though..
beautiful job
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Tuesday, 3rd July 2007 @ 07:57:44 AM AEST
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Darn Phil, I've read this numerous times because it feels so close to me. I hate to think that you would feel any of the pain that I've been feeling but that is what you paint here in these words...such pain. I am so sick of it, but keep trudging on, hoping that it is all going to be worth it. All that happens is for a reason, it's the waiting to discover that reason that really sucks.
I love you Phyllis...
Much peace,
Laura |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Thursday, 5th July 2007 @ 07:14:40 AM AEST
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hauntingly beautiful.........................
hugs n' love nessa
roses |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Saturday, 7th July 2007 @ 08:26:56 AM AEST
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i felt t his was a very ingenious poem, and very cleverly written. I especially was moved by the imagery. Even more, however, was the way you dealt with death. One can be dying for a lifetime, but the finality occurs in a moment. Also, there is the pain and anguish of a figuratively speaking death and the litteral actual death.
Well done,
Will |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Tuesday, 10th July 2007 @ 12:52:04 PM AEST
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Ah, my Kindred Sister, you break my heart with your pen. This piece spoke volumes to me and I know that you know that I'm right there with you... lies, secrets, and it only takes a moment or a word...
I love and miss you,
Dawn |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 13th July 2007 @ 04:37:18 AM AEST
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Such a heart breaker you are sis.
That moment...yeah that moment when tragedy washes over you destroying all. You put it so incredibly well....hugs |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by stillstitch on
Tuesday, 24th July 2007 @ 10:48:43 PM AEST
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"Here's the day you hoped would never come."
This reminds me of that.
One of your best, I think.
You have surely grown as a poet.
Love you always,
Stitch 8) |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by AnenaLynne on
Wednesday, 25th July 2007 @ 02:12:14 PM AEST
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Very well written...i liked the message
~nena |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 17th September 2007 @ 08:40:36 AM AEST
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As always your poetry is most brilliant, add to it the fact that it is so human and honest and
vunerable, Phill you could make a posion pen
letter sound like a love note, a very compeling
peice of writting and so good to be reading your lovely writting again . . .
((((Phil))))
bjps |
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Re: Only a Moment
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Monday, 29th October 2007 @ 02:27:12 AM AEST
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That was a tremendous line, Phil!
and hold a breath in crystal form
Dang... I'm quite jealous of that line... the whole poem, in fact. It's very good.
Take care, my friend.
David |
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