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My Past
Contributed by
justagirl82
on
Saturday, 7th July 2007 @ 04:30:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
Im not who you think I am
Happy
Loyal
Strong-willed
Im not as I appear
Sarcastic
Cold-hearted
Angry
I choose not to tell people about my past
They wouldnt understand anyways
So, they judge my outward appearances
But who I wanted people to see me as, is not who I really am
Its exhausting trying to get people to see the real me
Im a coward
My entire existence is seized by guilt
No one is allowed inside, even the few people who do know my past
And even though Im surrounded by a sea of people, I feel utterly alone
Two suicides in two years
One rape
Then theres the never-ending abuse
The attack
And the whole not being able to tell people hurts.
I almost wish that more people knew
But I couldnt bear the burden of any more guilt
Because people would blame me, and I already know it was my fault.
I am guilty,
Of not being there for my friend
Of not saving her
Of not loving him enough
Of lying to everyone to make my own life easier
My past keeps coming up
I cant stand the sympathy,
It makes me feel weak.
Or the I wish you had trusted me enough to tell me
It makes me feel even guiltier.
Im suffocating by the weight of my own troubles
And no one knows enough to help me.
Copyright ©
justagirl82
... [
2007-07-07 16:30:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Past
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chamaron on
Monday, 9th July 2007 @ 04:28:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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You don't want my sympathy and I can't dare pretend I understand, but a piece of advice, take it or leave it: if you want help, let people help you. Some walls serve a good purpose in keeping people out, but it's a lonely existence inside. To those you deem trustworthy and understanding, hint at a back door.
An emotional but well written poem just the same. |
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