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The Guest of Promise
Contributed by
joydeep_nath
on
Thursday, 12th July 2007 @ 01:43:59 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
We've been stalking the other,
me and her.A promise kept
shall end it all.
The ***** comes calling tonight.
Her promises a galore;
a journey eternal,
beyond the Rubicon.
Heard she keeps 'em all.
I,ve spruced up my place
and strung out the lights
in welcome of my honoured guest.
A feast of rarities spread;
a metal sharp edge, an arid twine,
or venomous nectar, and me;
out on the cold granite floor.
I,am all washed up
and dressed up in deference.
I'm all loosened up.
Think its time to go lay down
and hear my guest sneak in.
Heard she keeps her promise,
in dead silence.
Copyright ©
joydeep_nath
... [
2007-07-12 01:43:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Guest of Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Thursday, 12th July 2007 @ 12:59:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Geesh, yeh... open to varied interpretations, indeed. You had my mind racing with possibilities. Quite intriguing, I'd say. In a weird sort of way, I'd almost rather that you not share the secrets of this but keep them in the locked box where you placed them. I'll admit to having a guess at what's inside - but I think in this case it's perhaps most appropriate for the poet to know and the reader to silently ponder.
Oh and... if you're open to grammatical critic, I'd gently suggest that "her and I" or, even better maybe, "she and I" may well be more appropriate than "me and her" at the beginning there. Mind you, I'm no expert - but I did stumble a bit when reading it as you have it now.
Hoping to be helpful and not irritating,
~Snemmy |
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Re: The Guest of Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Friday, 20th July 2007 @ 05:26:54 PM AEST
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Ummm i beg to differ snemmy i find this write to be refreshing ok and maybe alittle weird but in a good way lol
noce job |
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Re: The Guest of Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 12th August 2007 @ 12:24:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow. That last line is damn potent and FILLED with something . . .. .
uhm, I can't quite decide what, but it's almost frightening
in a way.
I, too, think the secrets about a piece and why the writer
chooses to divulge just enough to wet a curiosity,
adds to the mystery about it. And it allows the reader to
relate on his/her own level which, I believe encourages
a deeper examination into the workings of the poem itself.
Fabulous write! Intriguing and mysterious!
~Breezy
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