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IF
Contributed by
mjh0813
on
Tuesday, 24th July 2007 @ 10:18:13 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
if i gave into ur every demand,
wud u be my man?
if i kissed ur lips just the way u like,
wud u be a part of my life?
if i told u there was more to me,
wud u look farther than wat u see?
if i gave u the key to my heart,
wud u promise never to tear it apart?
Copyright ©
mjh0813
... [
2007-07-24 10:18:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: IF
(User Rating: 1 )
by physcoquack on
Tuesday, 24th July 2007 @ 10:21:20 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| good write short and pointed but with purpose |
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Re: IF
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Tuesday, 24th July 2007 @ 12:08:27 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This would have been an impressive little write if not for the way you spelled your words...it made it look like you didn't care about how you penned it.
ur for your?
wud for would?
u for you?
wat for what?
Take the time and spell out the words, it makes it so much more poetic looking. Ahhh that's just my darned old opinion. Write however makes you happy. I just think folks would take you more seriously if you used correct words.
Much peace,
Laura |
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