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NO LONGER BACKING DOWN
Contributed by
physcoquack
on
Thursday, 2nd August 2007 @ 02:36:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
why do people push me
why do they bother me
when i am so far from home
why do they think
they can push me around
i am a man
of sharp mind and muscle bound
i stand no disrespect
i will take no ones
attemps to belittle me
i am a man
i have a name and you will use it
i dont push well
i dont back down
for any man women or child
i wont back down
i wont take the disrepect anymore
i have had to many bad days
because other people desided
that i should have one
i am no longer care what
they want me to be
i wont let them
push me around anymore
Copyright ©
physcoquack
... [
2007-08-02 14:36:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: NO LONGER BACKING DOWN
(User Rating: 1 )
by inlovewithaladd on
Thursday, 2nd August 2007 @ 03:38:28 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| angry and beautiful... i love it! |
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Re: NO LONGER BACKING DOWN
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 2nd August 2007 @ 04:27:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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pretty good write. rather repetitious, but some people like that (i am just not really all that big of a fan of it ::shrugs::). i liked this best, "i dont back down
for any man women or child". i could feel some of your anger but i was longing for more fury, as in that i could feel your own fury as you feel it. that is one of the hardest things to do in poetry, have the reader feel exactly as you do.
as for how you wrote it. i think the fact that there isnt any capitalization or punctuation sort of takes away from the poem. in my mind i think a man would use grammar properly, whereas a boy wouldnt. you had some misspellings in this and that also cut it down for me (but your errors were pretty common and probably will go unnoticed by 99%). i think adding punctuation, ellipses (....), italics, and stanzas/line breaks could have made your anger more felt by the reader.
example:
"Why do people push me...
Why do they bother me...
When I am so far from home.
Why do they think
They can push me around-
I AM A MAN." then man would be italicized to be noticed more and then a new stanza would start. some writers use spaces between words to draw more attention to the words themself, make them powerful, use it for rhythm, etc. i also think the ending could sound more resolute, powerful, and angry. almost as if...or else i will make sure they never mistake me for not being a man of my caliber. |
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