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If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean?
Contributed by
babylugz
on
Thursday, 9th August 2007 @ 08:03:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
If sobriety is what I want, why cant I stay clean?
Why does it feel like it is a hopeless dream?
People have told me that if I really wanted to quit then I would
And I really havent put the effort into staying clean like I should
I try to explain my side but get nowhere
To them I just want to use because I don't care
But if I didnt care then I wouldnt say I want to quit
And believe me, I am willing to admit
That this is something that I know that I cant control
Because no matter how hard I fight, it just wont let go
Each day I wake up, I think today is the day
I promise I wont use, no how, no way
But then I cant even begin to explain how my body will start to feel
The with drawl so intense making it hard for me to deal
And I ask myself how am I going to make it to tomorrow when I feel like I am dying?
And I start to cry because it has only been day, and I already want to give up on trying
And I know that the only way to stop the pain is to use
So unfortunately the drug is what I choose
I know it may sound like Im weak, but believe when I say
That I no longer want to live my life in this way
I know that I am the one who put me in this position
But I am battling and losing to this enemy called addiction
Why do people get mad when I say I cant do it on my own?
And tell me that I need to, because I am grown
They tell me I can do it because it is all in my head
Sometimes I feel like the only way I can stop is if I am dead
You see, I know what I want but don't know where to start
And the more time that passes the more I fall apart
I dont know why I cant find the girl who used to be so strong
Or if she even still exists since it has been so long
I know you people mean well but instead you make me feel worse
And make me feel like everyone would be happier if I were in a hearse
I know what I have done and what I am doing is wrong
But how do I stop this addiction that has been going on for so long?
Copyright ©
babylugz
... [
2007-08-09 20:03:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean?
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Friday, 10th August 2007 @ 03:30:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Addiction is not a choice....it is a disease.
Only those who have fought the disease and won can guide you. Only they understand your battle and can help and support you.
I spent 7 years in a program and left with an emotional stability to deal with all my pain and past failures.
Those who don't understand addiction are the ones who will make you feel bad about what is happening to you. The support groups out there will LOVE you back to health. Just One Day At A Time.......go to them let them help you. Keep an open mind......Listen to others stories and know that if you follow those steps...you will be free of the pain and the addiction.
Give it one month....one day at a time and you will see changes in yourself. Your self esteem will grow and you will know that you are not alone.
Here is a piece of Prose you will find their that will help you. It was my favourite and I hung onto these words for many years. |
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Re: If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Adreana on
Friday, 10th August 2007 @ 04:48:53 AM AEST
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| I'm glad you wrote this. Because people really don't understand what being an addict is like until they are one themselves. It's an endless cycle of getting off, falling apart, wanting to to change, not being able to, and getting off again. Over and over again. In a world where so many people are stressing out over mundane details in their day to day lives, it's impossible for many to deal with their bigger, more intimate problems without using some sort of substance. And in order to break the cycle, they must almost literally be held down and forced to withdrawl. Otherwise the cycle continues. Great write. ~Adreana |
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