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Final over you
Contributed by
whiskybear
on
Monday, 13th August 2007 @ 12:00:02 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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Laying on the sizzling sand I look into his piercing green eyes As the sun shines in the back ground He slowly moves in to steal a kiss When his lips touched mine I melted into the sand His hand slowly moves down my leg My heart is racing with every touch With every kiss he slowly takes off my clothes He looks at me again with those eyes Asking me "are you sure" I don't say a word I just looked at him... And smile He starts to remove his clothes As he enters I think to myself for a minute I have final gotten over YOU
Copyright ©
whiskybear
... [
2007-08-13 12:00:02] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Final over you
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 14th August 2007 @ 04:09:18 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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this wasn't quite what i expected - but it was still great!
i love it, all until the last 3-or-so lines. it almost...doesn't make sense. but i really loved the great description in all the rest. the end just seemed a bit, sudden. like it doesn't fit.
nice write though!
- Bethani - |
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