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Nothing more than Me
Contributed by
endlesspath
on
Tuesday, 21st August 2007 @ 12:33:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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rescue me
take my fragile hand in yours
make it secure
make it wanted
take what should be a wondeful journey
something that is precious
something that is fragile
something that may become happy
anything but here
away from deceit and fear
make a smile become clear
make my heart so dear
just take...
you can do
we try in many ways to be brave
yet
it has to have the second hand
touch
caress
feel
so can you see?
IM.....ME!
Im trying to be more open to feel.....its hard but it can be done.
Copyright ©
endlesspath
... [
2007-08-21 12:33:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Tuesday, 21st August 2007 @ 12:51:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Well I can pick out a quote from this piece where I think the whole thing culminated, and that line, coupled with the overall theme and pacing of the write, made it a really nice piece to read. Great post. |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 21st August 2007 @ 02:55:23 PM AEST
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I am what I am so let it be known....
what an wonderful way to start out with this write.
The entire air to this is moving, take my fragile hand in yours...
Nothing better than that.
The entire write is emotion with a capital E.
Keep right on with the poetry my friend.
You have talent let it flow.
Michelle |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Adreana on
Wednesday, 22nd August 2007 @ 05:22:07 AM AEST
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Mmmmmm... what we all want. Someone to love the hell out of us... for just who we are. I feel ya, man. This is a fine write.
~Adreana |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 22nd August 2007 @ 08:39:07 AM AEST
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This is an honest and emotive piece, and I like the layout. I think your work could be improved by carrying sentences through more than one line at times, rather than ending a statement at the end of each line. Experiment with where you put your line breaks - they can help bring out the emotion or provide unexpected meanings through the piece.
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by myheartsvoice on
Friday, 24th August 2007 @ 03:47:03 PM AEST
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Very nice poem. A lot of deep and trying emotions, it's hard to be anything when no one give's you the chance so some times one has to be simply for them selves. great writting . . .
Ben |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Saturday, 25th August 2007 @ 03:47:59 AM AEST
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I totally feel this and I think I understand where its coming from. Sometimes in life you (or at least this is how I experience it) want to go it alone and be brave and succeed, but there is always a hypocritical part that wants to be protected and guided. It can be difficult to strike a balance or even to ask for the much needed help or to let people know that everything isn't alright. Doing that can take just as much courage as trying to get by alone. And its hard.
So that's how your poem spoke to me; of course I'm completely relating it to personal circumstances, but that's just what I drew from it.
Great write whatever!
Dom |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Monday, 27th August 2007 @ 08:07:28 AM AEST
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"Im trying to be more open to feel.....its hard but it can be done."
The way you write makes it clear that you certainly are trying to be more open...Somehow I get the sense of "openess" with your writing...it's hard to describe that sense, but for some reason I felt it, even if I can't exactly put my finger on "how".
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: Nothing more than Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by thebrokenyouth on
Friday, 11th January 2008 @ 01:01:47 PM AEST
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i read this many times.
truthfully i dont get it.
maybe im just tired.
maybe im too young.
whatever it is...care to explain??
~remy |
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