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sinking
Contributed by
stitches
on
Tuesday, 4th September 2007 @ 01:06:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
i am
sinking
in this
sweet pain
slowly
going under
taking it in
half crazy
as it were
with a memory of
him
arms
flailing
my body still
protests
yet
the surface
not a ripple
not a movement
dark water
so lazy
like sleep
like death
so easy
silent
forboding
forgiving
it's calling
welcoming
embracing
loving
everything
you denied
me
as you
suffered
my desire
my arms
have stopped
their struggle
my breath
just a whisper
your name
is my last
and i am
free
Copyright ©
stitches
... [
2007-09-04 13:06:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: sinking
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 4th September 2007 @ 01:56:44 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| interesting style you used for this poem. it flows really well and good job with the imagery! |
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Re: sinking
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jonathon_J_Young on
Wednesday, 29th December 2010 @ 08:35:36 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| nice feel to this, good flow as well. |
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Re: sinking
(User Rating: 1 )
by Song_of_Sarah on
Wednesday, 29th December 2010 @ 09:42:31 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I like the format of the words dropping so rapidly. It really provides the atmosphere of falling and sinking. The almost choppy jump from line to line, sometimes mid sentence, also provides a good sense of incoherence from lack of oxygen (or, figuratively speaking, a lack of love or human interaction as essential as oxygen) or simply from the approach of death and loneliness. I enjoyed it very much. |
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