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Waking Up
Contributed by
OctoberRain
on
Friday, 26th October 2007 @ 08:29:47 AM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
I'm waking up.
It's Saturday.
It's almost noon.
No work today.
I turn in bed.
You're all I see.
In my eyes-
and in my dreams.
I touch your face.
I touch your hair.
You're fast asleep,
without a care.
I'm overjoyed
to see you there.
But wake you up?
I wouldn't dare.
I'm perfectly fine
to sit and stare-
at you all day-
and breathe your air.
Suddenly, you disappear
and all I see
are empty sheets
right next to me.
Then I remember
with great dismay.
Two weeks ago
you passed away.
Copyright ©
OctoberRain
... [
2007-10-26 08:29:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Waking Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 26th October 2007 @ 11:23:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow.
this is...just WOW for your first right.
truly...you gave the reader a glimpse of everything you were feeling- first the love felt for that person, and then the sudden realization and sadness when you discover it was only a mirage.
beautiful!
- Bethani - |
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Re: Waking Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 26th October 2007 @ 01:13:28 PM AEST
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Ok you made me cry with this one. Oh how true it is. Sadly many learn the lesson to late.
This is so beautiful yet so darn sad.
I am sorry for your loss I really am.
hugs to you and blessing and thoughts
Michelle
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Re: Waking Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by law_glen18 on
Saturday, 27th October 2007 @ 11:28:44 AM AEST
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| Congratulations. If this is truly your first time writing, you are a natural. I only hope that this is a poem written out of creativity rather than experience, as i cried first time reading it. Brilliant writing! |
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Re: Waking Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Tuesday, 30th October 2007 @ 08:14:24 AM AEST
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Fills you up with romantic thoughts and moods then drops you right at the end with the thudding reality
Great write
Steve |
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Re: Waking Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Friday, 2nd November 2007 @ 12:27:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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To tell you the truth, the first two stanzas kind of staggered and fell into place as if they had to, not knowing exactly how. But that third stanza flowed from the first word to the last, with an unexpected, heartbreaking ending. Although it's not the ending that made it great in of itself. After "Breathe your air," your words broke free and fit perfectly into place.
Take care, keep writing.
David |
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