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Crisp
Contributed by
xnoybis
on
Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 04:09:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
No lights in any direction
Breath made visible
By cold and moonlight
The sweet sound of silence
This must be what it's like
To wake up in a morgue
And be the Life of the party
The skeletal hands
of leafless trees
waving silently in the wind
A goodbye or a greeting
I could not say
Either way would feel the same
The wind whispers nothings
To the questions
I don't bother to ask
The cold air touches me
With indifference
The only kind I'd allow
I'd take a moment
To wish you were here
But I don't think you'd get it
Copyright ©
xnoybis
... [
2007-12-07 16:09:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Crisp
(User Rating: 1 )
by ki on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 01:52:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| interesting write |
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Re: Crisp
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 02:36:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Fantastic.
I'm a sucker for great imagery and different ways of looking at the world, and you have that ability.
I laughed at '... and be the life of the party.' - that's just what I am talking about.
I think that you put some thought into each line of this poem, so I would only suggest one possible change, though the poem is just as good as it is. 7th stanza, 1st line: "The wind whispers answers" - answers just seems to fit a little better to me.
In any case, I dig this poem :>
TS |
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