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I still love you
Contributed by
Cashus28
on
Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 10:51:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
I know I am a little crazy
Quite hard to shut up at times
But you know how I am
And how I protect my mind
I know you have gotten scared
Because you didn't know what was next
But you can read me like a book
Still you haven't broke me yet
I couldn't give up our friendship
Because the reasons would be lame
Although sometimes I won't admit it
But I still love you just the same
Your personality is special
And I have learned to appreciate it
I love everything about you
Every tinsy bit
I find myself writing alot
But I know you wouldn't care
Even it is about you
Because I really don't like to share
I have an addiction
Not to money or fame
But to your laughter and giggles
And the gentleness of your shame
So I write this poem
With a pen and a pad
Glad to know what we got
Instead of what we use to have
I couldn't write this poem
Without you in a couple of rhymes
But it is okay with me
That you don't want me in your mind
So you know who you are
No need to mention your name
Because you know you are special to me
I will forever love you just the same
Copyright ©
Cashus28
... [
2007-12-07 22:51:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I still love you
(User Rating: 1 )
by ki on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 01:03:22 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| i like this poem |
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Re: I still love you
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Saturday, 8th December 2007 @ 02:32:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hey, Cashus.
I've been away from the site for a while. Now that I am back, I've noticed a lot of people writing in a similar style - one block with a rhyme scheme. Kind of interesting.
But, anyway, I have a few suggestions. First, I had a strong urge to break this poem into stanzas of about 4 lines. Poetry is meant to be heard instead of read, according to a lot of people, but I don't share that opinion - visual display is just as important as aural, especially in such a medium as the internet. Given the length of this one, stanzas would help it out.
You've got a decent rhyme going all the way through and the meter of the lines is, for the most part, good. I suggest revisiting this poem after a while and reading it out loud to yourself or someone else to highlight a few places you could tweak some words to make it flow just a little better.
Overall, I think you did well and I think that the poem has potential. Thanks for sharing.
TS |
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