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ABC's of Love
Contributed by
undiscoveredshadow
on
Friday, 28th December 2007 @ 12:29:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Alone is what I felt for the longest time
But then I found you and everything became fine
Cause you showed me what love was all about
Definitely something I did at first doubt
Everything that I have been wanting to feel
Finally was in front of me and it was real
Giving you my heart did take some time
Happy thoughts though now fill my mind
In time I hope that you will see
Just how much you mean to me
Knowing that I have you by my side
Lets this road of life be an eaiser ride
Many things have changed for the good
Now I feel how I never thought I could
Others too see a change in me
Please can our love always be?
Quiet nights together, just laying in your arms
Really makes me feel safe, away from all harm
Copyright ©
undiscoveredshadow
... [
2007-12-28 12:29:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ABC's of Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by MemeCaroline on
Friday, 28th December 2007 @ 06:02:55 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Pretty impressive. You might want to make the first letter bold so it really stands out what you are doing. |
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Re: ABC's of Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on
Saturday, 29th December 2007 @ 01:07:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i went into this expecting to see something childish and contrived...that's really not the case. what you have so far is really quite good. however, there are a few changes you should make...
the D line makes no sense at all..."at first doubt"????
there's also a typo that needs to be corrected in your L line..."easier"...
and in your R line that should be "make", not makes. paying a bit more attention to the small things will make the overall poem so much stronger. i guess it's the editor in mew that sees things like that, but i hate seeing a written piece held back from being as good as it could possibly be.
john |
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