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Reborn to Die
Contributed by
yackerz85
on
Saturday, 29th December 2007 @ 04:15:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
A tree lies broken upon the ground
Part of its trunk is still intact
while the rest is severed
much like a decapitation
Appearance alone underscores
The story of this tree
which had roots in my heart
and meant so much to me.
It once was a pear tree
Planted long ago
One of many others
In a large orchard.
It grew tall, budded, and bloomed
Giving off delicious fruit
That humans and animal both consumed
What a magnificent tree it was!
But Gods fury did impart
It struck that tree right in the heart
Shocked and burned it quickly died
Its bark fell off and it turned bone white
No more fruit or leaves or buds
No more flowers or bees or birds
Just a place for crows to perch
A skeleton in the skyline.
Then the wind blew fierce one winter day
The sound of limbs snapping could be heard miles away
The tall tree collapsed finally admitting defeat
All that remained was its gnarled trunk
Half of it rotten and quickly decaying
But that tree was not finished for its roots never died
In its pitiful state it managed to survive
And new sprouts sprung forth from its old worn out shell
A second chance to live to grow and form fruit
Though its trunk still rotted this new tree grew
Reaching higher and higher and producing wonderful fruit
Fruit better than the old tree ever could form
For its second life was that much sweeter
Still tragedy was not finished with this tree
Doomed from the day it was planted
To die from some act of nature
So during a walk through cold winters breath
I noticed this tree broken on the ground
The healthy limbs separated from the rotten trunk
Such a sad sight to my heart
For this tree had been the cause of its death
It grew higher and taller than its trunk could hold
And it snapped under its own weight
And as I beheld this sight
I likewise felt something break inside of me
Hope itself seemed to shrivel up and die
If I can be reborn a new creature
Arent I just as susceptible to such a fate?
The old flaws that I cannot discard
Will someday destroy me.
Copyright ©
yackerz85
... [
2007-12-29 04:15:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Reborn to Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on
Saturday, 29th December 2007 @ 04:32:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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honestly? it's much too long and predictable. also, many of your rhymes are very forced and uncomfortable...it's like you were trying to hammer that square peg into the old round hole. and some of your lines are just plain bad...
"But God’s fury did impart"
...god's fury CAN'T impart...god can impart his fury...but the other way around is senseless.
you seem to be concentrating too much on making successful rhymes rather than conveying cohesive and complete thoughts.
in one of his books, charles bukowski, in discussing the use of rhyme as a crutch, very succinctly wrote the following poem:
as
the
spirit
wanes
the
form
appears
it means that the less one has to say, the more one needs a crutch or a form to hang things on. i think it was wordsworth who called rhyme "a tool for the uninspired"...i'm not 100% clear on that quote, but it's close enough.
on the whole, i don't think this one's a keeper.
john
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Re: Reborn to Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 29th December 2007 @ 07:30:49 AM AEST
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Wow Mark. I love the metaphor you used. Nature is profound in her selection
for rebirth, no? I believe there will always be a chance to make things right. We just
need to rid ourselves of the negative shell that holds us captive. I believe your tree
would have survived if only it could have broken free the old shell. We, as humans
can do the same. We only need to break free from our past heartaches, just taking
with us the lessons from them. And our souls will soar!
Very insightful write, Mark. And delightfully thought provoking.
Thanks for sharing. =)
~Breezy |
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Re: Reborn to Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by lost_again on
Saturday, 29th December 2007 @ 08:40:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I the lover of tree's and the feeling this brought forth, incredible. I loved the metaphor. Beautiful work.
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