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Untitled
Contributed by
ki
on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 01:21:18 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Once the picture of perfection
Now ur hidden in disguise
And so easy to decipher
Cuz it's all behind ur eyes
I see u because ur trapped
In all ur hurt,and useless lies
U always fight against the world
Until all of u,just dies
Inside u theres' an emptiness
That may never be whole
But inside me theres' a will
To let u not give up ur soul
And if i could tell u anything
I'd tell u,truth be told
To me ur always perfect
And my heart,u'll always hold
Copyright ©
ki
... [
2008-01-01 01:21:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 04:28:42 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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What a sweet write..
Happy New Year!!! |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by JohnYamrus on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 04:40:01 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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finally! a poem on this site that didn't make me want to poke my eyes out with a stick or bash my head against a wall! nicely done! the only thing i'd bring to your attention is you've goofed up the contraction...it should be "there's" as in "there is".
you might also want to re-think that kid-speak...u...ur...two years from now you'll look at this stuff, with those textspeak words and they'll look like a bad haircut to you. however, the poem is intelligently formed, strongly concieved and well executed. nice job!
john yamrus |
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