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Got It Bad
Contributed by
143
on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 10:11:27 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Feel the tingle as this song plays.....Don't turn it down, Take it slow.....Because you don't wanna flow.....5 Bottles down and one to go.....We walked out puttin' on a show.....
Damn it was hot in there, The air was heated from love and that's all you can think of.....
Memories I saw in the nights reflections and a passion that could cut steel.....How did you like the way I feel.....
You absorbed it on and took it in.....Once again and again and again.....
For the eyes have closed but only to feel it deeper.....No one else could ever love steeper and build up a passion that could cast a spell like this.....
Our eyes looked up and our hands rolled down.....Not caring what this evening brings.....For the touch is fire so hot that it burns into you.....
You got it bad, Don't you.....I got it bad and thrust you into the wind that blows through your hair.....
It's uncontained so let it be unto.....Your touched by these words the radio stews.....
After all this.....This is what I've found.....Start the song over and let it rebound.....Let that uncontrollable desire live on and on and on.....
Copyright ©
143
... [
2008-01-01 10:11:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Got It Bad
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 10:49:54 AM AEST
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Don't love and tell..It could cause bad taste, just like this bad burger I got from sonic a few min ago..lol..
Others than that it is all good
God Bless & Happy New Year!!! |
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Re: Got It Bad
(User Rating: 1 )
by law_glen18 on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 12:44:15 PM AEST
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I feel the pain in these words. This is an experience those few unfortunate people have to experience. I can fully identify with you on this one. I hope things all work out for you.
All the best!!! |
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Re: Got It Bad
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 1st January 2008 @ 04:53:21 PM AEST
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| too much of a good thing can get tiring and do the opposite of what was intended. in this case, using the ellipses after every line just became monotonous, when in actuality ellipses can show a lot of longing, thought, or emotion. Im guessing you used the ellipses to show how the poem is supposed to be read, when line breaks do that (in a more effective manner). looking at your poem now, my eyes are unable to settle on anything you say because they drift to look at the ellipses and how long the lines are. sometimes doing something offbeat format wise can emphasize what is being said in the poem and make the poem stand out in a good way, but here the format takes away from what you said and calls for the reader to use more concentration on reading your words without scanning. as for what you wrote, i liked most of it, and that is why i am harping on the format so much-because how it is written can drastically decrease a persons perception of what is written. i dont want your creative lines to be flushed down the toilet by the reader just because the ellipses and lack of line breaks becomes tiring on the reader (like using all caps). keep up the great originality and creativity in your lines though, not everyone can do that in their writes, and so many forget to use it in their poems when they do have it. |
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