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Untitled II
Contributed by
ki
on
Friday, 11th January 2008 @ 01:59:59 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I let you
Break my heart
You tore
My life apart
Now nothing
Can I feel
My world
Seems so un-real
Now everyday
I cry
Just sit and
Wonder why
I had to
Let you in
And fight you
Til the end
You'll never know
My pain
And never stop
The rain
That falls down
My face
This heart you
Can't replace
Copyright ©
ki
... [
2008-01-11 01:59:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Untitled II
(User Rating: 1 )
by SmokinJoeEvil on
Friday, 11th January 2008 @ 02:56:22 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Sometimes simple words can convey a lot, but I felt like this one was really just what it appears on the surface. Short and simple, with little real depth. A lot of cliche in there. Like a life being "torn apart", a heart being "broken"... which leads to a high sense of superficiality when reading. The end also doesn't make sense. The person who broke your heart has most likely left you, yes? Or you left them, but if you did so it was your decision. So why in the world would the person who broke your heart be the one to replace it? It may have been better to not put the onus on the heart-breaker for those last lines... which should be the most powerful and concluding of the poem usually. |
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Re: Untitled II
(User Rating: 1 )
by MemeCaroline on
Friday, 11th January 2008 @ 03:15:01 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Simple and to the point. The message is quite clear. Very nice. |
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