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Silent Sighs
Contributed by
UnknownLegend
on
Wednesday, 30th January 2008 @ 07:27:28 AM in AEST
Topic:
goodbyepoetry
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Silent Sighs
There is a place where man must go
to abide forever, and travel alone
When like a flower, life withers and dies
leaving this world with one silent sigh
Oft forgotten.... but never is lost
into the light and torrent be tossed
With the final closing of my weary eyes
the silent sighs and tearful good-byes
No stone be cast to remember me by
only the love shared, while yet alive
Those I treasure I surely shall miss
leave me embrace, just one parting kiss.
Copyright ©
UnknownLegend
... [
2008-01-30 07:27:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Silent Sighs
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Wednesday, 30th January 2008 @ 09:34:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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WOW.left completely, speechless on this write!
brew~ |
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Re: Silent Sighs
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Wednesday, 30th January 2008 @ 01:43:03 PM AEST
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My heart is fluttering,indeed a beautiful write..
Left know stone unturned..
Beautiful..
God Bless & Much Love My Friend In Poetry
C.S |
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Re: Silent Sighs
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Wednesday, 30th January 2008 @ 04:22:15 PM AEST
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Pretty good, but it doesn't seem to quite pull off its formatting. Generally in non-free verse I think a poet should exersize extreme caution in what he/she writes, and I think this doesn't always quite work.
Lines like "only the love shared, while yet alive" seems misshapen to conform to the formatting, which gives that stanza a somewhat awkward feel.
You might want to work on editing/rewriting small parts and watch this poem get better and better as it reforms itself--that said, don't lose its meaning while editing it. Based on how strong the meaning does show through, I don't think you really need to worry about that though.
Good write. |
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Re: Silent Sighs
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 30th January 2008 @ 07:34:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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the title drew my attention right away and I am glad that I read this.. awesome write
Michelle |
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