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If I promised you roses
Contributed by
shelby
on
Sunday, 16th March 2008 @ 02:25:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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If our gardens were eden
and our cares freely floated
our love was unending
and always we were devoted
the rest of our lives
would flow lightly on
and the world as we knew it
would be an eternal love song.
In life we cannot always
have the roses without thorn
but if we cling to that love
that has carried us along
we could fair the storm
and always come out on top
knowing the ending
will put us together in the right spot.
Our love spills over
like the sea's ebb and flow
and sets us to sail
easily we go
each moment together
another memory made
and two hearts indulged
just for the sake.......
If I promised you roses
I would keep our garden tended
and the love inside
would be sure and undaunted
by neither an outsider
family friend or foe
for if we tend our gardens
our love will forever flourish and grow.
Copyright ©
shelby
... [
2008-03-16 14:25:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Sunday, 16th March 2008 @ 02:41:18 PM AEST
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| I liked this but the first and last stanzas are beautiful... the second one sticks out. It's not really needed. I know you are trying to get a point across but the poem is beautiful without it - maybe this isn't the poem to get that point across. The second last stanza is nice too except for the last two lines of it. Just my opinion, do with it what you want. |
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 16th March 2008 @ 03:12:32 PM AEST
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Wow, Girl it's awesome as is.
Good work.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Sunday, 16th March 2008 @ 04:25:49 PM AEST
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wow this is simply breath taking and beautiful!! its just so touching and so heart felt.. its amazing! a poetic lovely masterpiece
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 17th March 2008 @ 07:28:40 AM AEST
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Beautiful Michelle. I was caught from the amazing opening line. A wonderful flow. The poem itself was not over the top and was not cliche and in poetry such as this that is something rare. I loved the way you refer to a relationship as a garden and write as if things in a garden are the things planted between two hearts. That is brilliant. Your closing stanza just floored me. I am not sure why you said this was incomplete. I see a powerful opening and powerful conclusion. I see the poetry holding those wonderful powers together. I see a completed poem you should be damn proud of. But, that's just one man's opinion.
Superb!
Daniel |
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Tuesday, 18th March 2008 @ 10:16:02 AM AEST
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It's good to see a familiar name :D
Your writing is as beautiful and powerful as ever my friend and it's a pleasure to read.
Very well done
Roses
Larry |
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 19th March 2008 @ 12:53:52 AM AEST
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I'm with Daniel on this one, Michelle. I see a beautiful "complete" poem! The last stanza
was also a heart stopper for me! Damn fine poetry, hun. This is so incredibly alluringl and
me, being the hopeless romantic I am, can never get enough of the wonder that love brings
and inspires in our hearts. You've done a spectacular job of expressing the grip it has on us.
And offered some lovely and wise advice on just how to make it comfortable enough to linger.
In a world of disposable relationships, this is a breath of fresh B E A U T I F U L air!
~Breezy
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Re: If I promised you roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on
Wednesday, 19th March 2008 @ 01:33:16 AM AEST
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It is the thorns in life that make us appreciate the roses sweet scent....this is lovely just as it is my friend...and you will tend your garden lovingly and your roses will grow to be extraordinary.
Hugs
Shari |
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