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Prelude to Love
Contributed by
Chamaron
on
Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 03:18:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
A sweet first as he leans in,
Such luck we have as we begin.
A slow prelude to love he plays,
Already learned to love his ways.
An instant calm comes in a wave,
That intoxicating smile that I crave.
Most comfortable that Ive ever been,
Can hardly contain the joy within.
Fingers overlapping, hearts intertwined,
Feeling as if weve been combined.
Word artist struck speechless at last,
All expectations long surpassed.
A butterfly surprise with every thought,
Finding happiness so long for sought.
Dreams and hopes expand, renew,
Hoping first love can still be true.
Copyright ©
Chamaron
... [
2008-03-24 15:18:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Prelude to Love
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Monday, 24th March 2008 @ 03:23:15 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I'm not sure the rhyme is really helpful or necessary here, and it gets kind of awkward on lines like "finding happiness so long for sought". I think you might benefit from losing its boundries.
Overall, not bad but I'm not sure it says very much. It's describes a rather classic feeling, and I'm not sure it really says much of anything new about that feeling, or takes an interesting stand on it, or even really articulates it particularly well.
So not terrible, but not particularly profound.
-Solomon |
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