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not your typical poem
Contributed by
juliestevens18
on
Wednesday, 9th April 2008 @ 01:58:16 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
prelude
I know you all want to hear a little rhyme that rhymes
anything that will take you out of your current state of mind
well i can give you that fuel, just hit me with the fire
but now I am getting bored, and you are getting tired
so let me give you something that will open your eyes
and possibly, to the depths of you, give you a surprise
feeling is everything, so i will give you one last breathe
hate me now? no, hate me then, i am feeling a momentary death
Are you serious? really? really you are going to give it to me now?
death feels so close when i can taste it on the back of your neck
and i am swimming in it by the time lunch hits
and around 12 o'clock
i can't seem to stop thinking about you
marks
they are different
none are the same
your nose screams eat me
and your eyes
they tell me things that i thought no one was supposed to know
you give me a short hello, and i hold onto the memory
so long
so strong
that i bend as far back as i want, for i will not break
not this time
and your white mascara is running, (because i know that look)
but you are with me and i can feel your temperature rising as the sun is lowering, as it is beginning
to rain
and everything that i have in me, at the moment, which is everything in the world, is weighing me down so much that i am afraid to not do anything because if i don't do anything than maybe i will have to face everything that i dont want to face
but you
you remember me
don't you?
ending
I know it wasn't the typical, day to day thing
I know that it wasn't normal, i know what i bring
and it may not make sense, but dig deep into the words
just one look at the sentence, and you will find verbs
and i know that its not easy to decipher between phrases
but at least my poem isn't a million pages
Copyright ©
juliestevens18
... [
2008-04-09 13:58:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: not your typical poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on
Wednesday, 9th April 2008 @ 04:19:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i really enjoyed your rhymes in the prelude and the ending, they were rhythmically smooth and unforced |
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Re: not your typical poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by artjunkiekyle on
Thursday, 10th April 2008 @ 12:36:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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well off to a great start
i have no true advice as tonight is a slow night for me
but perhaps it was too perfect
i believe it is the latter reason
:)
~kyle |
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Re: not your typical poem
(User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on
Friday, 18th April 2008 @ 08:06:22 AM AEST
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| i'll br honest. i liked to first and last verse but the middle one threw me. i have no idea what you were writing about so i'm feeling a little puzzled right now. |
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