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Whispers and Magnolia
Contributed by
shelby
on
Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 01:15:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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Soft winds carry whispers of love gone astray.
Perfume of magnolia dusting away winters decay.
Shall we speak of romance? A tender kiss under setting sun..
Perfection in the making when two hearts are one.
We gather all our memories and turn each page complete.
Nights around a campfire dancing on light feet.
Flush of the heat when passion ignites our limits
we are helpless to the night forever entombed in restless
Magnolia perfume can you smell it still?
Soft touches and whispers light and surreal.
We wear our thoughts upon the sleeves
of life as it came to be..
Forever whispers and Magnolia is where the memories lead.
Copyright ©
shelby
... [
2008-04-12 13:15:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 01:54:16 PM AEST
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Wow, Shels...this is amazing!! I wish I could write a perfect poem everytime....you are definitely the Queen of Romance!!
Jenni |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 02:25:57 PM AEST
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this is simply beautiful shellz!!! loved it!! very emotionally touching
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by LoveStruck_Hippie on
Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 02:37:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very beautiful Michelle ... images for me that still my heart.
I can smell the Magnolia now.
Peace
~Shannon |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on
Saturday, 12th April 2008 @ 09:39:02 PM AEST
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Hi, well firstly i'm sorry i won't be giving you quite the amount of blind praise as some of the previous comments. That's not the point of critiqueing and i hope you will appreciate my views.
The positive for me would be a nice simple and bold metaphor running as central theme.
The negavitives would have to be rythym and ryhme. All 3 stanzas changed and held no consistancy; this pushed me to the conclusion that they were from 3 individual pieces and didn't quite sit well together for my likes. I didn't like the "entombed in "restless"" line, i found it obtuse in the rythmic scheme almost as if it had to be forced into the spot. There was also a strong feeling of cliche' running through the piece.
I hope you find this helpful as a constructive critique. I wish i could get some of that on this site sometimes but, alas, there isn't much going around. |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by ZiggyB on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 07:01:20 AM AEST
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Again Shelby, you have given us another masterful piece. Truly magnificent!
Since I've been here at YPDC, there have been a hand full of writers that have excellent pieces, that I know will inspire my own writing skills even further. I believe that you are one of them. You have a beautuful style of writing.
Thanks again. |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Puppy_dog_eyes on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 08:50:26 AM AEST
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This was enchanting and captivating, I really enjoyed the soothing calm if left me with,
Inspiring write
Steve |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 11:08:42 AM AEST
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a dreamy write good work my friend
Shari |
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Re: Whispers and Magnolia
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Wednesday, 7th May 2008 @ 05:46:42 AM AEST
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Apparently trees make sounds when they fall and no matter how we try to fit it in the life of a piece demands existence, discordance be damned...Feel very good about this one as it speaks from your creative process in gear.
Peace
AJ |
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