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Done Waiting on You
Contributed by
Bubbles02
on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 02:18:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
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Again and again, Im disappointed by you. You said you will, but then never do. I wonder now, are you really worth my time? What youre doing, it must be a crime. Every time you dont show up, my heart breaks a little more. I know I shouldnt be keeping score, But how many times have I done this to you? If any, its been very few.
I think that Im tired of waiting for you to change What theyre saying might be right; Im out of your range. No, I dont think Im better than you, but I need what you cannot give me. And that, you dont see. You dont see how much youre hurting me, And half the time, I wonder if you even care. To me, it doesnt seem fair. I gave you everything I could. And what you gave me so far; I should've known that was all you would.
So Ive decided that Im done waiting on you. Go find someone new, Someone that doesnt care so much about what you do. Find someone who doesnt care about how much you hurt them, Because youve caused me too much mayhem. That is why you have lost me. And its best if you just agree.
Copyright ©
Bubbles02
... [
2008-04-13 14:18:19] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Done Waiting on You
(User Rating: 1 ) by a7x36 on
Sunday, 13th April 2008 @ 07:41:48 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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............... what? sorry, i dozed off for a minute |
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Re: Done Waiting on You
(User Rating: 1 ) by jantra on
Monday, 14th April 2008 @ 07:28:07 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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hi! well i liked this piece. what girl cant relate to the feelings expressed in this ;) however i did feel that this poem would have been better without rhymne which at times seemed a bit forced and out of place. It works well in the first stanza with these lines
"Every time you don’t show up, my heart breaks a little more.
I know I shouldn’t be keeping score,
But how many times have I done this to you?
If any, it’s been very few."
but the rhymning felt a little forced with lines like "what they're saying might be right i'm out of your range." because you were looking to rhymne with change you added a line that is unneccary and does not make sense or flow well with the rest of the poem. I also felt like the poem might have benefitted from making the lines shorter because i felt there were a lot of filler words that hindered the overall flow of the poem. you have a great sense of style and i do look forward to reading more
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