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~Afraid Of Heights~
Contributed by
Jenni_K
on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 11:12:33 AM in AEST
Topic:
FriendshipPoetry
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You have put me on a pedestal
Way too high
I dont deserve it, my friend,
It makes me wanna cry.
What happens when I fall?
Will you be there to catch me?
Im so afraid of heights,
So will you set me free?
You place me on a pedestal
But Im afraid of heights.
I cant always be there for you
On your lonely nights.
Dont you see what happens
Each time that I look down?
My smile always manages
To turn into a frown.
So take me off that pedestal
And I would be all right.
Just let me walk beside you,
Cause I am afraid of heights.
Copyright ©
Jenni_K
... [
2008-04-16 11:12:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadwriter on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 11:17:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Jenni,
Great write. I am sure though that your friend will be there to keep you from falling. When you frown they will find a way to set it right again. You are a great friend to many people.
Deadwriter
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 11:43:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is beautiful, you've capture'd you and
set it free, only to have it come back again.
Nice flow and most captivating is the poem
itself . . .
thank you also Jenni for your read and comment.
you still got it going on with the poetry writting.
Ben |
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 12:12:20 PM AEST
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Really good work. Very deep.
huggs, smiles,
emy |
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 01:03:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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good write and very nice flow! I can relate to this well :)
also thanks for your comment, i really appreciate it. |
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 03:38:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great message, and great imagery.
My one criticism is that you seemed determined to have it fit inside a form. This left is rather awkward at points. I don't see any need for this poem to rhyme. Feel free to break from that, which should ease the choppy flow. You seemed at times to say what rhymed instead of what you meant to say. Let it all come out. |
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxILoveTheSilencexx on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 08:28:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow that was amazing....
great write...
keep it up
=) |
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Wednesday, 16th April 2008 @ 08:59:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow a beautiful dedicated write.. so lovely this is..
rock on,
vampyress Jenni |
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Re: ~Afraid Of Heights~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 17th April 2008 @ 05:43:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow Jenni! I really, REALLY like this.
I just love it when a piece is clever. Top that off with the job on flow and rhyme.
Thanks! This is a great read!! |
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