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reminder
Contributed by
Saaaraxxx16
on
Saturday, 19th April 2008 @ 11:25:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
SongLyrics
|
Build me up just to brake me down
trust your tears its your only backup plan
you cant dream if you dont fall asleep
life died in my hands
and you still trust me with the world
ive been living in the past
let the record play over and over
it reminds me of your voice
your bringing back my fears
i figured you sparkled in the sun
but you shine in the dark
Copyright ©
Saaaraxxx16
... [
2008-04-19 23:25:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: reminder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 20th April 2008 @ 01:35:52 PM AEST
(User
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a Message)
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that last line just makes it all. a clincher. amazing.
but besides that - beautifully written. short, but yet you convey a lot of emotion here.
all the lines, could stand alone. possibly even to make thoughts and poems of their own. but yet, you can put them all together into something fantastic. and it flows too! a lot of ppl have good one-liners... but can't tie them together. you did this wonderfully.
my only advice: second to last line, i would change the word 'figured'. to 'tought'? or... 'imagined'? the word 'figured' somehow doesn't fit. but i guess it's only one word. and that's only a small part. as well as the wrong spelling of 'break'. besides those few small things, and a few other insignificant parts...
i loved it.
truly, totally.
loved it.
- Bethani - |
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