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Fall From Grace
Contributed by
jyssvw
on
Monday, 2nd June 2008 @ 08:54:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Hello. Im not sure exactly what I want to say, or should be saying here. Or, if I should say anything at all. This is more difficult than I thought it would be, writing to you, like this. Im not sure where we stand, or if your already gone. Im not sure that it matters anymore. Im not sure you care, or would even bother reading on.
I think about us a lot. I think about you. I think about me, and my absurdities, the things that I say and the questions I ask. I think about all the things you must have wanted and never received from me. I think about all the ways I could have been better. I think about all the car rides back to your house. I think about all the phone calls. I think about your face. I think about your hands. I think about your laugh. I think and I think. And then I wonder why.
I called you last night. I had nothing important to say. I dreamt about you last night, and then thought about you all day. I hope you are fine. I hope you are happy. I hope you find, whatever it is your searching for. You have not reached out. You have not bothered to try. Seems like you have given up. It seems like you wont budge. Like I am hopeless. Like I am lost. Like I was a lie. Am I nothing more than a memory fated to blur? Are we destined to fail? Are we doomed to separate lives? Are we saying, without actually saying, goodbye?
Sometimes I stare at the phone and plead with it to ring with your name. I check my emails constantly in hopes of something, anything with your words on the page. I look for you while walking the streets. I sing your songs, no matter how dumb I look standing outside your house right now. I fight back the tears that I know do no good. I let them spill, in moments of weakness and regret. I write these words, knowing full well I should do no such thing. I write knowing I may never send this to you. Not knowing what sending it may bring.
I feel shaken and alone. I feel saddened by this all. I feel it such a shame, such a waste, such as it is, nothing will ever replace. The two of us. Only one life. No guarantees. No certainty, of tomorrow, of happiness. We create our own pleasure. There is no one to ease this pain. To take away some of this grief. To reconnect what has been severed. To rekindle a flame. Reach out and entwine my fingers in yours. Let me kiss your lips, softly, firmly, gently, like heaven. I am to blame. I miss you. I want to hold you. I want to be held by you. I want to stare into your eyes. I want you to want the same.
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Copyright ©
jyssvw
... [
2008-06-02 20:54:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fall From Grace
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 9th July 2008 @ 11:05:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Oh, my God, Jyss. This is something so entirely different from you. So
entirely .... vulnerable. I am glad I clicked on this one this morning.
It presents a side of you that eludes to the fact that we all fall victim to
our own weaknesses. (at some point)
I feel your pain... your suffering ... your desperate struggle to relieve
some or any of the binds that hold you. And yet, do we not love to be
bound? To be chained to a memory of ardent and passionate moments;
the only moments that make us truly believe and KNOW we are alive!
We can drive ourselves crazy sometimes with the fuel of desire and the
thoughts and memories that stream from the object of said desire.
Brave and audacious post, my friend. An enlightening and beautiful
piece of prose. Bravo, poet!
~Breezy
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