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Magic mushrooms
Contributed by
HellRaiser
on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 12:11:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
Mortality is what keeps life's
roots down deep within
the earth
keeping us attached
to this reality,
however;
only a human would
seek deity abilities
to crown one's self
a god.
By extracting nature's defences
a human can create
a higher beings
disconnection with reality
and bubbles themselves
from the normal plane
in order to
watch humanity from above
like an experimental
reality show.
Copyright ©
HellRaiser
... [
2008-06-20 00:11:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Magic mushrooms
(User Rating: 1 )
by Supercreep on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 06:23:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hi! I liked the ideas behind the poem and I would say it almost works. But to me it seems to much like you have written a prose piece and then just cut it into short lines at odd intervals. Is there anything you might do to make it more 'poem-like'? Perhaps by throwing in some visual images/ sounds/ sensations this might do the trick. However its your writing so really you must have the last say on this..
cheers
SC |
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