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My Underworld
Contributed by
funkgirl93
on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 12:24:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Worn out tears,
built up fears.
I lack the courage,
courage is full to the brim,
yet there's no space for anymore.
The roots of anger
the roots of grief
the roots of fear,
struggle me to death
shortness of breath.
Sick of the underworld,
sick of the outerworld.
And like a little snail,
sensitive to any foreign touch,
I retract back to my shell.
Copyright ©
funkgirl93
... [
2008-06-20 00:24:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Underworld
(User Rating: 1 )
by wheels on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 04:58:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Don't set your self short.
You have talent in your imagery. i like the manner in which you break your lines into phrases where pause is meant. It kinda been my favorite method as well.
Keep writing - you may surprise yourself.
In any case i really like it.
doc |
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Re: My Underworld
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 05:40:23 AM AEST
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I liked your poem and would like to read more. Writing is an expression of who we are. Your poem made me feel your emptiness, sadness and shyness. That's what good poetry does. Keep writing.....Mike
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Re: My Underworld
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 07:25:12 AM AEST
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Hey..you are well on your way to fulfilling your childhood dreams.!!.. You have made the first step with this write..and like Mike said, poetry makes the reader feel... and I did feel your emotions in this..... Don't stop here....
Jenni
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Re: My Underworld
(User Rating: 1 )
by Supercreep on
Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 05:30:54 PM AEST
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Snail image is particularly good. Well chosen. I love snails, v beautiful graceful and slow things.. On the subject of your ambition to write, the truth is I reckon it's more important to have something to write ABOUT (as you so obviously have) than any great talent. Most of us get better as we familiarise ourselves with this mode of commication and re-read and read ours and other's work.. So go for it!
Cheers,
SC |
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