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My Very Earnest Mother Just Served Us Nothing _____
Contributed by
proudestmonkey
on
Tuesday, 15th July 2008 @ 10:27:59 AM in AEST
Topic:
Nostalgic
|
when I was a kid we had 9 planets
(not 8)
and they floated single file to the right of the sun
(no orbits or gravity or laws of planetary motion)
and the sun was a big floating ball of fire in the sky
(no hydrogen or helium or fusion involved)
and the sky was blue because it was.
Mercury was a rock,
Venus was hot,
Earth was home,
Mars was red,
Jupiter was big,
Saturn had rings,
Uranus was sideways,
Neptune was blue,
And Pluto was small,
and weird.
Now we know what happens to weird things
to different things,
to unclassifiable things:
they get swept off the porch
and left to erode alone outside the door
step of the solar system.
But they can still see Uranus.
Copyright ©
proudestmonkey
... [
2008-07-15 10:27:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Very Earnest Mother Just Served Us Nothing _____
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 15th July 2008 @ 03:11:42 PM AEST
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Very creative, cool write.
smiles,
emy |
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Re: My Very Earnest Mother Just Served Us Nothing _____
(User Rating: 1 )
by high_on_duct_tape on
Tuesday, 15th July 2008 @ 05:35:15 PM AEST
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Where to start... The title, I guess. Perfect. I love it. I admit it took me a little while to get (in fairness, I'm exhausted), but once I got it, I laughed out loud.
Then there's the poem. I love that too. I like the build of reminiscence followed by the sudden shift to care for the Other was excellent. My only criticism/suggestion is that you might make the "Now we know..." stanza flow a bit better, or maybe bite a bit harder.
The Uranus laugh is cheap and worth it. Great ending.
Overall, thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing this into existence.
Write on,
Solomon |
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Re: My Very Earnest Mother Just Served Us Nothing _____
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 19th July 2008 @ 11:45:32 PM AEST
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How very smart! I absolutely love this poem and its double-speak so to say. It's both loud in statement and charming in humor.
Jesseca |
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